December 1,2017

I’m shedding. Shedding away. Day by day, step by step. The things that once were are no longer. I show gratitude to today for allowing me to enjoy it. I show gratitude to those who came before me that prayed for me to be here, moving and breathing. I show gratitude to the universe for keeping me grounded no matter what wind blows my way I stay, grounded. I show gratitude to God for being God and breathing breath into me every second of my days and for allowing me to embark this journey of daily newness. I’m grateful.

Stepping away and focusing on me was truly what I needed. There’s so many things that I had to leave in order to return to myself. Those things that kept me from my happiness. I found that being who I am is the only thing in this world that is worth fighting for. I have been given the tools in order to be the best and it’s up to me to use these tools. I’m grateful for everything and everyone that I have enjoyed on this journey because even when I didn’t see it, I learned so much. Every experience, had a lesson. Every loss, was a win. Every gain, was another reason to be grateful. I’m ever changing, shape shifting at its finest. And I now know I am exactly where I’m supposed to be today. I’m not sure how I got here but I know, whatever is happening now is supposed to be happening now. I will continue to learn and continue to grow. Thank God for Change, thank God for space, thank God for growth. Thank God.

Beanz Out.

Advertisements

October 13, 2017

Sometimes I let my mind roam and explore and take me places that allow me to think deeper. I was riding home from work and I was listening to I Wanna Be Like You by Ibeyi. I was listening to the lyrics and the power in these women’s voice and I was captivated instantly. I started to listen deeper to get a better understanding of what the song was about. I started to think about the complex of age and how when we’re younger we wish to be older and when we’re older we wish we were younger. I realize how unappreciative we are as humans naturally. We are never content with what we are given. The innocence and freeness of a child is something I wish I still had. The joy of a child that I didn’t think to embrace and hold onto as long as I could have when I was younger. It’s deeper than just not having any bills or no responsibilities. It’s the freeness I miss most. Little person in a big world of unknowns without any sort of presumptions or knowing of what is coming next. Your mind can’t even process what is next in a lot of situations. As an adult, we base what we do next based off a prior experience. Doesn’t matter how optimistic we may seem there’s a sense of pessimism in us when it comes to certain situations due to a prior experience and there’s nothing wrong with that. But imagine if we lived our lives like adult sized kids who just were full of questions and unknowns and we didn’t let these unknowns scare us we kind of just went with them and moved forward accordingly. Imagine us taking in the wisdom and seeing the light and positivity in all things and embraced the wisdom that is being brought forth from whatever situation at hand. We need to learn to let go more. Just let it go. We’ve been holding on to these presumptions and ideas and ideologies for way to long and it’s holding us up from our next step. We have to break away from our own insecurities and fears and understand they will always be an insecurity and a fear but those insecurities and fears can’t hold us back from experiencing life and practicing our human right to mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally evolve. We must protect our energy, secure our happiness and love from our hearts. We must start love with ourselves and get back to that kid who was in the unknown who allowed life to teach them what they need to grow into their destiny. Sometimes I let my mind roam and explore and take me places that allow me to think deeper…

So Dove Got Y’all Mad?

Naturalist and myself have been telling you all for a while that these companies really do not care about anyone, especially those us of color. The recent noise with Dove is their new ad that basically said “Black skin is dirty and white skin is clean and in order to get have perfect, white clean skin use Dove”. Now lets be clear, this isn’t the first time a company has displayed darker skin as dirty or evil or less than and I guarantee this won’t be the last.

Dove is apart of Unilever, a company who claims to be sustainable and blah blah blah. Granted they may have lessened their carbon foot print by recycling and other things which is great but like Dove and many other products there is a long list of toxic chemicals in these products that literally can cause major issues to your body including cancer. I’m not being extra here. These companies only care about ONE thing and that is making money. Everyone is going natural simply because no one wants to fear that their soap or shampoo is going to alter their DNA is some way, shape or form and eventually have major health effects. It’s kind of ridiculous.

I tell people all the time to buy black as much as possible. Buying black not only keeps the black dollar circulating but you know what is in your products, their natural ingredients and you see and know who is making your products. Theres an ease about knowing that legal drug lords aren’t making your soap and other household products. And since we’re on the topic of buying black and supporting black businesses let me say this. Black people LOVE to call out the customer service of black owned businesses but NEVER complain about the Asian owned nail shop who literally are talking about you in your face. Or the Middle Eastern gas station who literally tell people to get the fuck out. YET we complain about a black owned business simply because we’re judging them 10 times harder because… well…because it’s black owned. All businesses need to focus on customer service and just like I’ve received horrible service at a major department store I’ve also received amazing service at a major department store. I’ve also had amazing service at a black owned business- actually I have experienced more good than bad at a black owned business. So stop ostracizing black owned businesses only and lets start holding everyone to same caliber for customer service. Thanks in advance.

Read your labels people!

Sodium Lauroyl Isethionate, Stearic Acid, Sodium Tallowate Or Sodium Palmitate, Lauric Acid, Sodium Isethionate, Water, Sodium Stearate, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Sodium Cocoate Or Sodium Palm Kernelate, Fragrance, Sodium Chloride, Tetrasodium Edta, Tetrasodium Etidronate, Titanium Dioxide (Ci 77891).

DOES ANY OF THAT SOUND LIKE SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE BATHING WITH!!! FYI- thats all the ingredients in the basic white Dove bar soap. Not good for anyone of any race. I prefer to be able to pronounce the things I use and be able to identify with them. These products are not for us so why support them? There are over 1000 natural brands owned by people of color and you can check them out at WeBuyBlack. Don’t ever say I didnt do anything for you.

September 28, 2017 12:22 A.M.

I sit here and allow my thoughts to take over and do what they need to do. I explore each and every corner of the room in which they take me mentally. I’m aware of my feelings in each room and I am also aware that these rooms do not represent me. I am aware of the fact that I have control of these rooms because without me , they wouldn’t exist. I used to run from these feelings and thoughts but that did not work because they still came, they still exist, they are still present. I can not run from within but I can listen to what is going on within. Listen and watch and take note.

The rooms that my mind like to take me into put me through a number of emotions and a number of thoughts. I try to figure out- how did I get here? Why am I here? Who else is here with me? But I can’t answer any one of those questions which makes me angry to say the least because the one thing I like is to be in know. I don’t know how I got in this room, I don’t know why I’m in this room and as far as I know I’m in this room alone. I’m the only real thing that exist in these rooms. I have control here in these moments where I can stay and live in whatever emotion that the rooms bring or I can humbly say, no. That is not where I am right now, thats not where I need to be right now, lets move forward.

My mind has been on a rampage lately, filling me with anxiety and fear and a number of emotions. I have to constantly remind myself I am here, I am breathing, I am growing. I have to be hyper aware of the issues around me and within me but I have to also remind myself I am not my circumstances but my circumstances are here to teach me and to help me move forward to whatever the next stage is supposed to be for me. I have literally been stuck on dumb for days because of my rooms in my mind. I’ve been wanting to share so much but I couldn’t. I couldn’t articulate myself properly so even share what was happening in these rooms. Between health, politics, fashion and just everyday life I could not properly execute a thought. But again I have to constantly remind myself- I am here, I am breathing, I am growing. Those rooms don’t control me, those thoughts don’t control me. I am in control and I choose everyday to move forward. I’m moving forward and thank you for being here with me.

-Beanz Out

You Could Pay For School but You Can’t Buy Class

I never thought the day would come where I look at old pictures of myself and go “WHAT THE FUCK WAS I WEARING?!” Literally I was looking at pictures from my freshman year of college and I was just like, who the fuck did I think I was? And that’s what I think I was trying to figure out. College is a weird time for everyone. You’re trying to figure yourself out, figure out where you fit and just trying to figure out what life is about. When I got to Clark Atlanta University, I saw all these beautiful pro black professionals who looked all nice and here I was in my thirfted clothes and Vans- thinking I was doing something. I mean granted I was in trend but that didn’t even matter on campus. So I tried the whole afro-centric look with the kufi’s and what not. That rocked for a while. Then I got into the suit game and oh my goodness, I’ve come a long way. But that was a very interesting time. Figuring out my style and what worked for me. I had so many people in my ear telling me what to do and what not to do but I never stopped and asked myself, what works for me?

I personally think I’ve always had a great sense of style. But I was trying to fit this mold that wasn’t meant for me to fit. I had to create my own look that worked for me. I’m still figuring that out up to this day. And it’s fun. I try things, I like them sometimes and other times I don’t. I think we need to stop telling people what they should look like and let them figure out what works for them. Dress for where you want to go in life and dress so that you’re comfortable. I used to hate suits, so I thought. It wasn’t the suits I hated, it was the suits that didn’t fit me and the stupid tie. I hate ties! But that’s what I thought was the thing to do. Not my thing so I cut that short.

There’s rules in fashion that are complete bullshit. At the end of the day, style can’t be taught but it can be created by each individual person. I like the clean look but I like to be edgy and Afro-centricesque. I’m not going to be wearing a dashiki and a leather jacket anytime soon because that’s just not me. My look is for me and it works for me. It changes every season. Who am I kidding, every month. But that’s fine. It’s fun. Everyone no matter their gender or age should be able to explore style and fashion in order to find what works for them. Do you, be you and wear what the fuck you want.

 

P.S Have you noticed my new logo? Check out my good friend ACE .