November

I know I’m not alone when I say, 2017 has by far been the hardest year of my life. So much has changed internally and externally. It’s hard for me to keep up at times and sometimes I lose track of time and things and sometimes even people. I get so indulged in the now that I can’t recall yesterday and I definitely don’t have time to worry about tomorrow. Being tossed around by life isn’t the most enjoyable thing but I had to learn to enjoy whatever life brings me. I had to learn to laugh during the pain. And smile when it hurts. Not that I’m ignoring the struggle or the pain or any other negative force I just had to learn to get thru it. All of that takes a lot of energy.

I tell people all the time to protect your energy. I am the spokesperson for protecting your energy. Thats truly the only thing you cannot get back. You can try to redo things and keep trying and trying again until you get it right but the energy you used to do that will never come back. Was it worth it? In some instances, yes. But in a lot of cases its not. We waste so much energy of frivolous things that we end up hurting ourselves. I have fallen victim to this. I need time to heal and time to replenish my soul. Fall/ Winter is always a hard time for me. My body hurts, I’m tired and I’m cold. I hate being cold and tired at the same time( not fun!). Sometimes we have to separate ourselves from everything and everyone and be a little selfish and focus on ourselves. We deserve the time to be alone and do what we need to do in order to prosper and move forward in life. Self care ladies and gentlemen.

November is my month to disappear for a while. I disconnect from the world for a while to reconnect with myself and listen to what my soul is saying. This is the time I take in order to end the year on a positive note and welcome the new year in with open arms. i REenergize, REprogram, REvive and REplenish. In this time my phone isn’t glued to my hands, I’m not on social media and majority of my time is spent alone. Allow me this time to love myself so that I could continue to love you guys through my blog and daily encounters. I hope to come back with a new mind, heart and stronger spirit. There are things brewing in the pot for me and I can’t wait to come back and share everything with you all. I will return when the time is right just allow me this space and time to figure it out. Love you to the moon and back and back again.

-Beanz Out

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October 13, 2017

Sometimes I let my mind roam and explore and take me places that allow me to think deeper. I was riding home from work and I was listening to I Wanna Be Like You by Ibeyi. I was listening to the lyrics and the power in these women’s voice and I was captivated instantly. I started to listen deeper to get a better understanding of what the song was about. I started to think about the complex of age and how when we’re younger we wish to be older and when we’re older we wish we were younger. I realize how unappreciative we are as humans naturally. We are never content with what we are given. The innocence and freeness of a child is something I wish I still had. The joy of a child that I didn’t think to embrace and hold onto as long as I could have when I was younger. It’s deeper than just not having any bills or no responsibilities. It’s the freeness I miss most. Little person in a big world of unknowns without any sort of presumptions or knowing of what is coming next. Your mind can’t even process what is next in a lot of situations. As an adult, we base what we do next based off a prior experience. Doesn’t matter how optimistic we may seem there’s a sense of pessimism in us when it comes to certain situations due to a prior experience and there’s nothing wrong with that. But imagine if we lived our lives like adult sized kids who just were full of questions and unknowns and we didn’t let these unknowns scare us we kind of just went with them and moved forward accordingly. Imagine us taking in the wisdom and seeing the light and positivity in all things and embraced the wisdom that is being brought forth from whatever situation at hand. We need to learn to let go more. Just let it go. We’ve been holding on to these presumptions and ideas and ideologies for way to long and it’s holding us up from our next step. We have to break away from our own insecurities and fears and understand they will always be an insecurity and a fear but those insecurities and fears can’t hold us back from experiencing life and practicing our human right to mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally evolve. We must protect our energy, secure our happiness and love from our hearts. We must start love with ourselves and get back to that kid who was in the unknown who allowed life to teach them what they need to grow into their destiny. Sometimes I let my mind roam and explore and take me places that allow me to think deeper…

So Dove Got Y’all Mad?

Naturalist and myself have been telling you all for a while that these companies really do not care about anyone, especially those us of color. The recent noise with Dove is their new ad that basically said “Black skin is dirty and white skin is clean and in order to get have perfect, white clean skin use Dove”. Now lets be clear, this isn’t the first time a company has displayed darker skin as dirty or evil or less than and I guarantee this won’t be the last.

Dove is apart of Unilever, a company who claims to be sustainable and blah blah blah. Granted they may have lessened their carbon foot print by recycling and other things which is great but like Dove and many other products there is a long list of toxic chemicals in these products that literally can cause major issues to your body including cancer. I’m not being extra here. These companies only care about ONE thing and that is making money. Everyone is going natural simply because no one wants to fear that their soap or shampoo is going to alter their DNA is some way, shape or form and eventually have major health effects. It’s kind of ridiculous.

I tell people all the time to buy black as much as possible. Buying black not only keeps the black dollar circulating but you know what is in your products, their natural ingredients and you see and know who is making your products. Theres an ease about knowing that legal drug lords aren’t making your soap and other household products. And since we’re on the topic of buying black and supporting black businesses let me say this. Black people LOVE to call out the customer service of black owned businesses but NEVER complain about the Asian owned nail shop who literally are talking about you in your face. Or the Middle Eastern gas station who literally tell people to get the fuck out. YET we complain about a black owned business simply because we’re judging them 10 times harder because… well…because it’s black owned. All businesses need to focus on customer service and just like I’ve received horrible service at a major department store I’ve also received amazing service at a major department store. I’ve also had amazing service at a black owned business- actually I have experienced more good than bad at a black owned business. So stop ostracizing black owned businesses only and lets start holding everyone to same caliber for customer service. Thanks in advance.

Read your labels people!

Sodium Lauroyl Isethionate, Stearic Acid, Sodium Tallowate Or Sodium Palmitate, Lauric Acid, Sodium Isethionate, Water, Sodium Stearate, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Sodium Cocoate Or Sodium Palm Kernelate, Fragrance, Sodium Chloride, Tetrasodium Edta, Tetrasodium Etidronate, Titanium Dioxide (Ci 77891).

DOES ANY OF THAT SOUND LIKE SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE BATHING WITH!!! FYI- thats all the ingredients in the basic white Dove bar soap. Not good for anyone of any race. I prefer to be able to pronounce the things I use and be able to identify with them. These products are not for us so why support them? There are over 1000 natural brands owned by people of color and you can check them out at WeBuyBlack. Don’t ever say I didnt do anything for you.

September 28, 2017 12:22 A.M.

I sit here and allow my thoughts to take over and do what they need to do. I explore each and every corner of the room in which they take me mentally. I’m aware of my feelings in each room and I am also aware that these rooms do not represent me. I am aware of the fact that I have control of these rooms because without me , they wouldn’t exist. I used to run from these feelings and thoughts but that did not work because they still came, they still exist, they are still present. I can not run from within but I can listen to what is going on within. Listen and watch and take note.

The rooms that my mind like to take me into put me through a number of emotions and a number of thoughts. I try to figure out- how did I get here? Why am I here? Who else is here with me? But I can’t answer any one of those questions which makes me angry to say the least because the one thing I like is to be in know. I don’t know how I got in this room, I don’t know why I’m in this room and as far as I know I’m in this room alone. I’m the only real thing that exist in these rooms. I have control here in these moments where I can stay and live in whatever emotion that the rooms bring or I can humbly say, no. That is not where I am right now, thats not where I need to be right now, lets move forward.

My mind has been on a rampage lately, filling me with anxiety and fear and a number of emotions. I have to constantly remind myself I am here, I am breathing, I am growing. I have to be hyper aware of the issues around me and within me but I have to also remind myself I am not my circumstances but my circumstances are here to teach me and to help me move forward to whatever the next stage is supposed to be for me. I have literally been stuck on dumb for days because of my rooms in my mind. I’ve been wanting to share so much but I couldn’t. I couldn’t articulate myself properly so even share what was happening in these rooms. Between health, politics, fashion and just everyday life I could not properly execute a thought. But again I have to constantly remind myself- I am here, I am breathing, I am growing. Those rooms don’t control me, those thoughts don’t control me. I am in control and I choose everyday to move forward. I’m moving forward and thank you for being here with me.

-Beanz Out

Is This Thing On?

I question everything and that gets me in a lot of sticky situations. You would think by now I would’ve learned to shut the fuck up but no, that’s not in my character. I refuse to sit around and just let things happen without an explanation or some sort of conversation taking place. As of late, a lot of people have been discussing gender norms and what is and what isn’t appropriate for a man and woman to do. Now, just a brief reminder for those who aren’t aware- I’m a womanist. A womanist is someone who believes equality for all women no matter their color, religion or birth assigned gender. And that’s the short version. Now that thats out of the way, how the hell can you tell a man or woman what they’re supposed to do? Who made these rules? Where’s this law? And why are men so damn sensitive?

Us men have this idea in our heads that it’s a mans world and that we’re supposed to be superior to women which is why we shiver at the thought of a woman in power. Women in charge catch hell by both men and women because she is deemed as the weaker specimen, the nurturer, blah blah blah. Granted, men are physically built to be the provider and what not and a women are naturally nurturing and  what not but, let’s be clear, anything a man can do a woman can do and more than likely do better. And that’s that ladies and gentlemen. This has been proven on numerous occasions yet women still have to deal with the ego of a man.

One thing I absolutely do not cater to the ego of a man. I have had conversations with some of my male friends and literally I just stare at them and go “What the entire fuck is wrong with you?” Some of their expectations of women are absurd and in no way make any sense. I have come across men who literally ain’t shit who expect women to go to the moon and back for them while they sit around and do nothing. How exactly does that work? What happened to men being providers and taking care of their women? Or what’s wrong with the woman being the bread winner and putting you on some new shit and upgrading your life and helping you as you help her boss up? Is that not a thing? Did I make that up? Are men supposed to sit on their made up throne as women cater to their every need? That’s dumb. Just because the woman is bossing up doesn’t mean you are any less of a man. If anything you should be bossing up to. Equally yoked is what it’s called. If I got it, you got it. We shine together. Learn from women because I guarantee you she’s learning from you whether it’s good or bad, sis is learning.

Okay I feel like I’m missing the point.( sike I know y’all fucking feel me) But gender norms, let’s redefine them ladies and gentleman. Society and religion and all these other factors that I rather not name at this time have told people that their feelings and wants aren’t deemed appropriate due to their gender. It affects so many factors in our lives that cause us to be hyper aware of our every move and unction instead of just flowing and living in your truth. No one can tell you what is appropriate for you simply because they are not living your life. Do what works for you and that’s that. Be a good person and live your damn life. My girl, if you want to speak up and boss up and wear a damn pant suit and not shave your legs or whatever else you want to do, do it. Fuck societies definition of a lady. You define who you are as a woman. My guy, don’t let your ego get you fucked up. Don’t miss opportunities to be experience life because you’re to concerned about what people will say about you and your masculinity. A man is going to be a man regardless. You define what a man is to you. Operate in truth, stand your ground, love everyone and just be a good person. If you want to wear pink or floral prints and get a manicure, do it! I promise you, you’ll be fine. Being a well groomed, well dressed man does not make you gay or metrosexual( is that still a thing? Did I just date myself? Am I getting old? Dammit…) it just makes you a well kept MAN. And I promise you, the ladies love that shit! At the end of the day Beany Babies, live your life how you want and fuck what anyone has to say. If anyone has a issue tell them come see me so we can talk. I got your back 😉

-Beanz Out