I talk a lot about being alone and embracing being alone that people are starting to think I’m this young, heart broken black boy. Before I move forward with this post I just want to clear some things up, my heart has been broken but I have taken time to let it heal. Not only that, I have found the good in good bye and the peace that comes from being alone. I love seeing people happy in their relationships and my friends know they can come to me and talk about whatever they have going on in regards to their relationship for anything in life. I have not found anyone worth my energy. Time you can’t get back so sometimes you just have to take that L. But your energy you can protect and release on what you please and you determine how much energy you’ll give something. Right now I’m protecting my energy and when life ushers in that special someone then we’ll take it from there. So no I’m not anti-relationships, no I’m not heart broken and though I have my sad spells like anyone who sufferes from depression but I’m not the founder of the Sad Boys Club.
I’ve been asking my friends for their opinions on dating in college and just dating while young. I’ve heard so many different perspectives, it was very insightful to say the least. Apparently this subject has been put into the universe because my best friend and her boyfriend actually made a vlog about dating in college which was not only entertaining but informative. I’m pretty close with both of them but this video got deeper into their relationship. It was refreshing though because they were honest. It made me think about my dating experiences and just my out look on dating in college as a whole.
There was one question that stood out to me. Would you recommend dating in college to someone…there was a brief moment of silence but the response said a mouthful. Lets fast forward here, I linked the video (twice) so you all can watch it. I tell people all the time, don’t rush being in a relationship. The more you rush it, the quicker it will end. Enjoy yourself for a while then let life find your mate. But after watching the video, my response has changed. Ira, who was a guest on the vlog, responded and said “it depends where they are in life.” And that my friends is very important. As a friend, it is my duty to have a understanding of who you are and where you are in life. If you come to asking for advice I have to be honest with you. Maybe where you are right now, you need some time to heal and love yourself before you involve someone. Maybe you’re in a great place and someone deserves the love you have to share. It’s a case by case scenario.
Dating in college for me has been… hold on I have GIFs that explain all of this…
I know, I’m a joke. But literally its been a rollercoaster. Met some awesome people who I still keep in contact with. There was a lot of trash in the midst of me dating, shit theres still trash that I’m trying to get rid of but they won’t go! But each person taught me valuable lessons and I mean it is what it is. It’s not easy but fuck its so much fun! You literally just have try it before you shoot it down. At the moment I’m focusing on me and my career so a relationship doesn’t fit right now. But thats me, that may not be your situation but HEY if it is, welcome to the club, we have A/C and snacks! If you are young and dating or young and in college and dating or just dating in general, hold on. Understand each other, love each other, uplift each other. Give one another their space and understand in time, they’ll be back right up under you. There will be arguments, there will be moments where its like literally you want to kill each other but always remember the foundation that you guys are standing on which is love. Love yourself, love one another, spread love, be about love.
A lot of people see me and read my blog and follow me on Instagram and put me in the category of being “woke”. Woke is the past tense of being wake, the moment the “veil in removed from ones eyes”, being aware of problems concerning the human race and being somewhat of an advocate of these things. This is all good but lets be clear, I’m not woke. Hear me out.
I have ran into several people who claim to be woke and who are so fucking sleep it makes no sense. They read these books and quotes from politcal leaders before us and base their whole lives on that. Heres the problem, you can’t repeat whats already been done. The fore fathers and mothers of the revolution were born in a different time and a different space where certain things were unacceptable and unthought of. We are our ancestors biggest dreams. They did not fight and march and protest for us to mimic them. They set a foundation for us to build upon. And my issue with some “woke” people are, they spew so much hate. How can you be for black people but pick and choose which black person you want to fight for? How can you want peace of love for a certain person but disregard others because they live a different life than you do? That’s not woke. Thats ignorant.
To be aware of issues you have to know of all issues. To be apart of the solution you have to see the problems as a whole and figure out where you fit. Not everyone is met to be the leader of a group, some people are meant to be behind the scenes and plan and strategize, not stand on their soap box and talk about how much black lives matter. You have to be about action. Find your lane and stay there. I’m a blogger, I’ve been blessed with the talent of writing and articulating myself to get a message across. Not only am I a blogger, I’m a business student at the illustrious Clark Atlanta University which is a historically black university. I am part of the solution simply by knowing my lane. I have plans that will not only benefit me and add notches to my resume it will uplift communities- local and abroad. Thats what being aware is. Recognizing who you are as a person and recognizing what is going on around you and then figuring out how to fix it. Understanding how to use your resources and make shit happen. Not competing against other woke individuals on who is more woke or more black or more anything. Not hash tagging black lives matter every time someone is racially profiled but ignoring trans lives and Native American lives, muslims lives and dammit even white people. You have to love everyone and be about equality and justice across the board.
So, I repeat- I AM NOT WOKE. I am aware. I am aware of who I am. I’m not sure of my purpose as of yet but I am aware of the fact that my purpose will find me as long as I am putting good back into the world. I will continue to fight for the rights of black, brown, gay, straight, trans, christians, muslims, buddhist, EVERYONE. I will continue to smile everyday, because if you didnt know, being happy is apart of the revolution. And will remain aware, with all eyes and ears open of the problems in this cold world and hopefully with the strength of God, my ancestors, the universe and my village I will be apart of the solution to end the problems in this world. My daily prayer is to be led and to keep the peace within and around me. And thats, that.
A lot of people, including myself, have been caught applauding themselves about how small their circle is. Circle referring to their friends. For some reason, we feel as if we should be proud at the fact that we have a small group of friends. But, is it really that big of a deal? Yes, yes it is. I started off by writing something else but actually this is important( to me at least). I have a very small group of friends who I have watched grow into these beautiful specimens. I brag about my friends all the time like a proud parent who’s kid just won the national spelling bee. In my eyes, my friends have won the national spelling bee multiple times. I have friends who have crossed borders to reach beyond expectations to help other people, I have friends who have started their own business, I also have friends who just live their lives. No matter who they are or what they are doing, my little circle of friends are doing amazing things. And I am proud of each and every one of them.
Its not about having a small circle, i just choose to keep my circle small because thats less birthdays I have to remember. But its about the people in your circle. What are they like? What fruit do they bare? Is it good fruit? What do they add to you? What do they subtract? You have to analyze your friends to make sure that they have a flow of good energy when they are around you. Its a everyday task to keep your vibrations high but do your friends lower them, or make them dance and go higher and higher?
I remember not valuing friendships and relationships at all. I just ended them and didn’t care about if I ever heard from that person ever again, well at least I would pretend not to care. As I’ve gotten older (shit here I go sounding old again), I realize how important relationships are. I have learned not to be so quick to cut people off but to figure them out first and then go from there. Now, if a person immediately shows me they not right within I have to let them go. But, if I’ve been rocking with you X amount of time, and you decide to start acting funny, I’ll give you your space but I’ll come back and say to you “What the fuck is your problem? Lets talk.” And that is because you just never know what someone is going through and we all have our moments where we just need to be left alone. But when the love is there, it will draw you two back and create a space where you can talk. Sometimes we have to humble ourselves in order for this space to be created but the universe knows what it’s doing, God will work everything out.
I value everyone in and out of my life. Each and every person I have welcomed into my life has taught me valuable lessons. They have taught me what to do and what not to do, they have taught me about myself, they have taught me how to love. This one is for all of you reading this, I love you all. You have read my posts, liked my pictures, followed me on all platforms and have shared moments with me. You have welcomed me into your lives and I am so happy to be here. If I have in any way, shape or form caused any pain or dissatisfaction to your life I am sorry and I pray you forgive me. Thank you for being you and thank you for allowing me to be me. Thank you for allowing me to grow and thank you for allowing me to watch you grow.
This is my ode to twenty-one. The year of a lot of alcohol, a lot of why the fuck and what the fuck and lessons. I learned a lot this past year, I over analyzed every situation to figure out is this for me? Is this what I really want? I asked so many questions at twenty-one and I got so many answers. I want to thank everyone who allowed me to just be twenty-one and enjoy whatever it had for me. Allowing me to figure out who I even was and what was right for me in the moment. Thank you.
21 things that twenty-one taught me
This is who I am. There are many things about ourselves that we wish we could change and we wish we didn’t do and blah blah blah but, I remember at some point I just said shit, I’m tired! I’m tired of what I’m supposed to be, or what I’m supposed to do. That’s not me! I eventually had to look at all my ugly and my filth and say, this is me dammit! I can’t change that thing right now but that’s who I am at this moment. But I have life which allows me to change as it goes. I need this part of me right now to get me to the next stage of my life and for that I’m okay with me. I want to go to that next stage and I can’t if I’m continuously comparing what I am and what I’m supposed to be. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be so I’m going to let life figure that out for me. In the meantime I’m going to pray for better days, keeps my vibrations high and check them when they are low. I will do well for myself to do well unto others. The things that I can’t stand will turn into the things that I love because they make me who I am. And I to recognize I will not be here forever, life changes and I change. I am me.
Vegan is not for me. I love cheese and I love bread! I just can’t let it go, I tried but no I can’t! I literally put cheese on everything and if there is a biscuit incorporated in my meal I’m the happiest man alive. When I was off dairy, yes I felt amazing. There were no headaches, energy was up and all that which is why I watch my cheese(dairy) intake but I have not deleted diary completely out my diet. One day maybe but right now, extra cheese on my burrito please !
I’ve had enough of Atlanta. I’m ready to move! Okay, hear me out. I love the city of Atlanta, beautiful city, lots of cool people and places. But has anyone been watching the news lately? Atlanta is falling apart and I don’t have time for it. Like what the hell is actually going on? Sinkholes? Really? Is this really happening? Traffic is a bitch and a half and the train is over capacity at this point(as I write this on the train). Atlanta was not made for all these people and there is a new damn condo being built every time I blink my eye. Atlanta is my new home but I have to relocate while they fix their life.
The concept of, there’s a reason for that. I question everything literally I think my most used word besides whatever is why. I ask why so much I even question my motives. Why did I do that ? Why do I think that way? I asked myself why so much I started doubting myself and that’s a no,no. Once you start doubting yourself you literally will stop yourself from doing what you really want to do. Or you stop yourself from fulfilling your full potential. So I just did what I knew best, go with the flow. I let control go. I just made sure I was in the right place mentally, physically and emotionally and I just went with the flow. I thought I had everything planned out but my ancestors apparently spoke with God before I did and had everything already planned out. Every door that closed allowed me to find a path to another door, a bigger and brighter door. The journey might have been a struggle but I’m still alive to talk about and I’m ok with that. I will never forget what my pastor told me “Time flys by when you’re having fun!” And let me tell you something Beany Babies, when you let go on control, life is an adventure park.
Being black is grand.We already knew that but, I just felt like this was an appropriate time to remind you of how lit being black is. Don’t believe me? Read the previous post(s) before this one, black is great. That’s all.
Sometimes, its best to not walk away but face it and deal with it. Things get hard and you want to quit and just throw in the towel especially if you don’t see the benefit of what you are doing. But let’s change the way we think. You could learn from those hard moments, that’s where growth happens. Think about a flower, before it blooms it has to break through the shell of the seed then it has to push through soil and rocks and all the other critters in the soil. Then the flower gets tired and loses energy but boom! Here comes some water and it’s ready to go again and it’s back pushing and striving to make it to the top to live out its full potential. Time goes by, after pushing and fighting it breaks ground and peaks it’s head but the journey isn’t over yet. It need water and sunlight to keep it growing and to keep it going. More time goes by and finally we have a beautiful flower. All the time and all the fighting that flower had to go through was worth it because now it’s a beautiful part of this world. That’s our life. We have to keep going take in our nutrients on the way so we too can be a beautiful flower on this earth and so on. Hold on Beany Babies. Hold. On.
Let it go. Just throw it away. Don’t be so attached to it. It’s ok. Let it go. Take that however you need to. It could be a thing, person, mindset, whatever. Throw it away.
I’m happiest when I’m eating. I’ve always known my source of true happiness came from food but it’s really a thing now like when I’m not eating I’m thinking about eating and the thought usually turns into action. Cutting out meat has done something to my appetite, I’m a serious snacker. It’s getting to the point now where I’m starting to carry snacks in my bags for those “oh some popcorn would be amazing in this traffic” moments. I don’t need help, I just need food.
I’m not that much of an asshole as people make me out to be. I’m blunt as all hell and I hit the core. I say the things you need to hear and that’s that. We’re too wrapped up in our emotions sometimes, we need to be cut sometimes. That’s why I’m here, Edward Scissor Hands, cutting up.
I don’t have a favorite color. I like different colors at different times of my life. Like right now, yellow is my color. It’s so bright and inviting. But last month it was mint green. Just depends.
You only have 4 friends: God, Water, Wine and Coffee. No matter what the occasion those four are always there for you, trust me.
Sage doesn’t stink. My dad used to burn our house down to the ground with sage and I used to hate it with every bone in my body. When I moved into my new place there was a thick paint smell. I tried everything I could think of to eliminate the smell then I remembered the good ol’ sage stick. Now I’m a sage burning, tea drinking, neo-soul playing mother shut yo mouth! Sage is a cleansing agent actually, it helps eliminate odors and cleanses your air overall. Which is great for me!
Theres no such thing as to many shoes. Shut up and buy the damn shoes.
I actually like kids. For the longest I could not stand children. I believed they were the spawns of Satan and I wanted nothing to do with them. Well I actually decided to work with kids and in the near future I’ll actually be teaching in front of a classroom for two-year(still un-fucking real). Kids are awesome actually! They still are the works of evil but they have a very interesting perspective on things that allow you to sit back and go, hmm. And they give you a dose of real you were not ready for. I know understand the whole “Kids are the future” mobojumbo. I’m excited to talk to kids now and hear them out because literally they just want someone to listen to them and go you know what, that is awesome that you feel that way and this is why…blah blah blah.
Black hair is a journey of its own. In November I decided that I was going to grow my hair out into this big massive afro of black boy joy and was going to love it. Let me tell you something, any woman, man or anything with natural hair please applaud them every time you see them because it’s a process just to walk out the house sometimes. From the deep conditioning, twist out, comb outs, oil and water concoctions, the avocado hair masque, IT NEVER ENDS! All in the name of #hairgoals . But there is a no joy like the joy of a fleeky twist out, NONE!
My cut off game still strong.
I can’t Tumblr anymore. It was a sad day when I deleted the Tumblr app off my phone. I have had my Tumblr since sophomore year of high school so you could only imagine the amount of trash that polluted my dashboard. I got to a point where it was just like, no. I can’t. It’s not you, its me.
I have a voice. People actually hear me. For the longest I thought I was just a whisper in the winds but apparently people actually hear me and be feeling me. I’m not cocky about it or anything but it’s just like woah! Y’all hear me ? Cool. I really just be talking a lot of shit but thank y’all for listening to my shit.
Hats are life. Without hats, what would I be?
Thick thighs save lives. They really do!
I’m a fucking adult ! Oh my goodness! Like I actually use my brain now, I make better decisions. I’m really getting old. I’m finally maturing and honestly I’m ok with it. I have really good people around me and we’re constantly exchanging wisdom with one another and literally I’m very thankful for them.
Twenty- one has been a year full of adventures. A lot of things just didn’t make sense but I enjoyed every moment. There were ups , a lot of ups and there were downs. The downs motivated me to go up and the ups motivated me to keep going. Thank you twenty-one for kicking my ass and being awesome AF. AF AF AF ! Thank you for the people I’ve met and the people I no longer see. Thank you for the memories and the moments that got me here writing this post about your awesomeness. Twenty-one, you my nigga for life. Tell twenty-two not to suck ass and just turn up, turn up just because. No age will ever compare to you but it’s only up from here. Thank you Twenty-One , let’s rock Twenty-Two.