I talk a lot about being alone and embracing being alone that people are starting to think I’m this young, heart broken black boy. Before I move forward with this post I just want to clear some things up, my heart has been broken but I have taken time to let it heal. Not only that, I have found the good in good bye and the peace that comes from being alone. I love seeing people happy in their relationships and my friends know they can come to me and talk about whatever they have going on in regards to their relationship for anything in life. I have not found anyone worth my energy. Time you can’t get back so sometimes you just have to take that L. But your energy you can protect and release on what you please and you determine how much energy you’ll give something. Right now I’m protecting my energy and when life ushers in that special someone then we’ll take it from there. So no I’m not anti-relationships, no I’m not heart broken and though I have my sad spells like anyone who sufferes from depression but I’m not the founder of the Sad Boys Club.
I’ve been asking my friends for their opinions on dating in college and just dating while young. I’ve heard so many different perspectives, it was very insightful to say the least. Apparently this subject has been put into the universe because my best friend and her boyfriend actually made a vlog about dating in college which was not only entertaining but informative. I’m pretty close with both of them but this video got deeper into their relationship. It was refreshing though because they were honest. It made me think about my dating experiences and just my out look on dating in college as a whole.
There was one question that stood out to me. Would you recommend dating in college to someone…there was a brief moment of silence but the response said a mouthful. Lets fast forward here, I linked the video (twice) so you all can watch it. I tell people all the time, don’t rush being in a relationship. The more you rush it, the quicker it will end. Enjoy yourself for a while then let life find your mate. But after watching the video, my response has changed. Ira, who was a guest on the vlog, responded and said “it depends where they are in life.” And that my friends is very important. As a friend, it is my duty to have a understanding of who you are and where you are in life. If you come to asking for advice I have to be honest with you. Maybe where you are right now, you need some time to heal and love yourself before you involve someone. Maybe you’re in a great place and someone deserves the love you have to share. It’s a case by case scenario.
Dating in college for me has been… hold on I have GIFs that explain all of this…
I know, I’m a joke. But literally its been a rollercoaster. Met some awesome people who I still keep in contact with. There was a lot of trash in the midst of me dating, shit theres still trash that I’m trying to get rid of but they won’t go! But each person taught me valuable lessons and I mean it is what it is. It’s not easy but fuck its so much fun! You literally just have try it before you shoot it down. At the moment I’m focusing on me and my career so a relationship doesn’t fit right now. But thats me, that may not be your situation but HEY if it is, welcome to the club, we have A/C and snacks! If you are young and dating or young and in college and dating or just dating in general, hold on. Understand each other, love each other, uplift each other. Give one another their space and understand in time, they’ll be back right up under you. There will be arguments, there will be moments where its like literally you want to kill each other but always remember the foundation that you guys are standing on which is love. Love yourself, love one another, spread love, be about love.
A lot of people see me and read my blog and follow me on Instagram and put me in the category of being “woke”. Woke is the past tense of being wake, the moment the “veil in removed from ones eyes”, being aware of problems concerning the human race and being somewhat of an advocate of these things. This is all good but lets be clear, I’m not woke. Hear me out.
I have ran into several people who claim to be woke and who are so fucking sleep it makes no sense. They read these books and quotes from politcal leaders before us and base their whole lives on that. Heres the problem, you can’t repeat whats already been done. The fore fathers and mothers of the revolution were born in a different time and a different space where certain things were unacceptable and unthought of. We are our ancestors biggest dreams. They did not fight and march and protest for us to mimic them. They set a foundation for us to build upon. And my issue with some “woke” people are, they spew so much hate. How can you be for black people but pick and choose which black person you want to fight for? How can you want peace of love for a certain person but disregard others because they live a different life than you do? That’s not woke. Thats ignorant.
To be aware of issues you have to know of all issues. To be apart of the solution you have to see the problems as a whole and figure out where you fit. Not everyone is met to be the leader of a group, some people are meant to be behind the scenes and plan and strategize, not stand on their soap box and talk about how much black lives matter. You have to be about action. Find your lane and stay there. I’m a blogger, I’ve been blessed with the talent of writing and articulating myself to get a message across. Not only am I a blogger, I’m a business student at the illustrious Clark Atlanta University which is a historically black university. I am part of the solution simply by knowing my lane. I have plans that will not only benefit me and add notches to my resume it will uplift communities- local and abroad. Thats what being aware is. Recognizing who you are as a person and recognizing what is going on around you and then figuring out how to fix it. Understanding how to use your resources and make shit happen. Not competing against other woke individuals on who is more woke or more black or more anything. Not hash tagging black lives matter every time someone is racially profiled but ignoring trans lives and Native American lives, muslims lives and dammit even white people. You have to love everyone and be about equality and justice across the board.
So, I repeat- I AM NOT WOKE. I am aware. I am aware of who I am. I’m not sure of my purpose as of yet but I am aware of the fact that my purpose will find me as long as I am putting good back into the world. I will continue to fight for the rights of black, brown, gay, straight, trans, christians, muslims, buddhist, EVERYONE. I will continue to smile everyday, because if you didnt know, being happy is apart of the revolution. And will remain aware, with all eyes and ears open of the problems in this cold world and hopefully with the strength of God, my ancestors, the universe and my village I will be apart of the solution to end the problems in this world. My daily prayer is to be led and to keep the peace within and around me. And thats, that.
A lot of people, including myself, have been caught applauding themselves about how small their circle is. Circle referring to their friends. For some reason, we feel as if we should be proud at the fact that we have a small group of friends. But, is it really that big of a deal? Yes, yes it is. I started off by writing something else but actually this is important( to me at least). I have a very small group of friends who I have watched grow into these beautiful specimens. I brag about my friends all the time like a proud parent who’s kid just won the national spelling bee. In my eyes, my friends have won the national spelling bee multiple times. I have friends who have crossed borders to reach beyond expectations to help other people, I have friends who have started their own business, I also have friends who just live their lives. No matter who they are or what they are doing, my little circle of friends are doing amazing things. And I am proud of each and every one of them.
Its not about having a small circle, i just choose to keep my circle small because thats less birthdays I have to remember. But its about the people in your circle. What are they like? What fruit do they bare? Is it good fruit? What do they add to you? What do they subtract? You have to analyze your friends to make sure that they have a flow of good energy when they are around you. Its a everyday task to keep your vibrations high but do your friends lower them, or make them dance and go higher and higher?
I remember not valuing friendships and relationships at all. I just ended them and didn’t care about if I ever heard from that person ever again, well at least I would pretend not to care. As I’ve gotten older (shit here I go sounding old again), I realize how important relationships are. I have learned not to be so quick to cut people off but to figure them out first and then go from there. Now, if a person immediately shows me they not right within I have to let them go. But, if I’ve been rocking with you X amount of time, and you decide to start acting funny, I’ll give you your space but I’ll come back and say to you “What the fuck is your problem? Lets talk.” And that is because you just never know what someone is going through and we all have our moments where we just need to be left alone. But when the love is there, it will draw you two back and create a space where you can talk. Sometimes we have to humble ourselves in order for this space to be created but the universe knows what it’s doing, God will work everything out.
I value everyone in and out of my life. Each and every person I have welcomed into my life has taught me valuable lessons. They have taught me what to do and what not to do, they have taught me about myself, they have taught me how to love. This one is for all of you reading this, I love you all. You have read my posts, liked my pictures, followed me on all platforms and have shared moments with me. You have welcomed me into your lives and I am so happy to be here. If I have in any way, shape or form caused any pain or dissatisfaction to your life I am sorry and I pray you forgive me. Thank you for being you and thank you for allowing me to be me. Thank you for allowing me to grow and thank you for allowing me to watch you grow.
I’ve been having a hard time reconnecting with myself. I have been so caught up in the hoopla that I feel like I wasn’t being me.Unfortunately, I was giving to much of my energy to the wrong things and people which caused me to lose myself for a while. I couldn’t articulate my thoughts, I couldn’t process things correctly. Then on top of that, summer school decided to turn up on me out of no where. So there I was, stuck and tired. Stuck in a place that I wasn’t familiar with and couldnt tell you how I got there. I just knew this place wasn’t allowing me to be myself. Earlier this week I told myself, I’m letting it go. I didn’t know what it was but I woke up and said, I’m letting this go. And I did. I realized that the reason why I was in this place of being stuck and tired is because I chose to stay there. I was choosing to stay in this place that kept me from being myself,kept me from opening up, kept me down. And the reason why I stayed there is because something in me felt safe there. “They can’t find me here” I told myself out of fear of being myself. I had given myself, my energy, my greatness to so many people who didnt deserve it, waste of time. People who were the result of “wyd” text and thoughts of boredom. My energy was off. My equilibrium was off. I was off. So I put myself in this place where I was drained and tired and I rested there. But I had to get out. I couldn’t let a few fuck ups get me out of whack.
I woke up today July 1,2017 with new energy, new thoughts, newness. Everything in my life is new. I have new people in my life occupying my time and we’re good. I have new struggles I haven’t dealt with before, but I will handle them. I have new goals and I can’t achieve those goals in that unfamiliar place of replenishment that kept me away from me. I’m here, I’m back and I’m happy to be here. Happy to be back in the now. Protect your energy, your body, your heart, your soul. Take that time you need to unplug but don’t forget to plug back in and be great.
I have a problem. My problem is, I do what I want. With this problem, people feel the need to tell me how they feel about what I’m doing but what they really like to talk about is what I’m wearing. It is very seldom that I ask people how they feel about my outfit or should I wear something or not. My style is exactly that, mine. It’s my way of self expression, my mood, my stance , whatever! It’s mine and I don’t need anyone telling me anything about it except, “You look nice.” where I humbly reply, “Thank you.” and go about my business. I always look nice in my opinion even on the days where I’m not that satisfied with my outfit because I remind myself, when I got dressed today, thats how i felt and somewhere between then and now I changed.
What really grinds my gears is when people try to define me based on what I wear. Whether its my religious views or sexuality, someway somehow people identify what I have on with something. Since when did clothing classify me or anyone? How masculine I am? How I was raised? Who I sleep with? First and foremost, thats no ones business but God and I. Secondly, let me be. Please and thank you.