Thank God I Found the Good in Good-Bye

There’s so much pressure about finding the one, and finding someone who is for you. Sometimes, we find ourselves looking for the qualities that we think we want in someone. We’re so aware of those qualities and sometimes we block good people out of our lives because they have qualities we may or may not like. How do we really know what someone else needs to possess in order for us to feel “complete”? How do we know that person is the one and not just the one for right now? Do we even need the one? Can I just have a few and enjoy their company in a non intimate way? Why can’t I just enjoy myself? Maybe I’m not meant to find the one, maybe I am the one.
I have had a fair amount of relationships and I have found that, people are annoying. Doesn’t matter their gender,race,lifestyle, whatever, something about dating makes people ten times more annoying. Including myself. There are things that I can’t control, like my constant urge to cuddle all day and eat in bed. I can’t control that, it takes over my body and there’s nothing I can do. But no seriously, I had to analyze my situations(current and past) and think what was it that kept me there? And what I found was, it was the illusion of happiness. I say illusion because I was going through my own internal battles, my own demons that I didn’t and still don’t want to deal with. So, in order for me to be okay I would find happiness in others. And because happiness feels good, I stayed where it felt good.
Now I remember at some point of my early college career, I stopped dating. I just stopped. Cut all communication with people, wasn’t flirting with anyone, I just was like no. And it was in this time where I learned so much about myself. I was able to deal with some(definitely not all) of those demons that I carried around. I soul searched everyday, I dug deep into my heart and looked deep into my reflection to figure out and get a better understanding of who I was. I found a lot of ugly within but I found so much good. And I was happy with both because I found it, I acknowledged it, I took on the task of healing the internal wounds everyday on this journey of life.

I got back into dating because I stared feeling the pressure. “I have to find someone” I told myself. “Everyone needs someone” what others told me. So dammit, I got back out there and started dating. I met some really grand individuals who taught me a lot and we shared some great times but, at the end of it all, I found myself losing myself. I had to step back for a second because dating, schooling, working and adulting takes a lot of fucking energy. I mean golly! I was drained 98% of the time. Yes I was having fun but I was doing to much for nothing because news flash , I’m still single!

I have somewhat accepted that maybe I’m just meant to be alone. Maybe the one I’ve been looking for is within. I have to fully search within myself and let God and life heal the things in me so that I can fully love myself and be fine with it. There’s a lot of love that one can find in themselves where they won’t need any other validation from anyone else or anything else. Loving yourself isn’t a crime and being alone is a good thing, it’s a peace that I remember having that I want back. I want to get back in good graces with my surroundings and myself. So enjoy these single moments and let these moments matter. I can’t emphasize enough how important self care/love is. Now, if someone decides to come along and not be playing games, has great communication skills and is willing to make things work between one another, don’t shoot it down because you’re so indulged with yourself. Maybe the love you have found in yourself is what that other person needs to help them. You don’t know how what you’ve been through may help someone else.

So cheers to the good in goodbye, the love that we harbor within to share with others in your community and around the world. Love yourself, love one another. Be a light not only for one person but be a light that shines across seas.

Beanz Out

July 1, 2017

I’ve been having a hard time reconnecting with myself. I have been so caught up in the hoopla that I feel like I wasn’t being me.Unfortunately, I was giving to much of my energy to the wrong things and people which caused me to lose myself for a while. I couldn’t articulate my thoughts, I couldn’t process things correctly. Then on top of that, summer school decided to turn up on me out of no where. So there I was, stuck and tired. Stuck in a place that I wasn’t familiar with and couldnt tell you how I got there. I just knew this place wasn’t allowing me to be myself. Earlier this week I told myself, I’m letting it go. I didn’t know what it was but I woke up and said, I’m letting this go. And I did. I realized that the reason why I was in this place of being stuck and tired is because I chose to stay there. I was choosing to stay in this place that kept me from being myself,kept me from opening up, kept me down. And the reason why I stayed there is because something in me felt safe there. “They can’t find me here” I told myself out of fear of being myself. I had given myself, my energy, my greatness to so many people who didnt deserve it, waste of time. People who were the result of “wyd” text and thoughts of boredom. My energy was off. My equilibrium was off. I was off. So I put myself in this place where I was drained and tired and I rested there. But I had to get out. I couldn’t let a few fuck ups get me out of whack. 

I woke up today July 1,2017 with new energy, new thoughts, newness. Everything in my life is new. I have new people in my life occupying my time and we’re good. I have new struggles I haven’t dealt with before, but I will handle them. I have new goals and I can’t achieve those goals in that unfamiliar place of replenishment that kept me away from me. I’m here, I’m back and I’m happy to be here. Happy to be back in the now. Protect your energy, your body, your heart, your soul. Take that time you need to unplug but don’t forget to plug back in and be great. 
-Beanz Out

A Minimal Post

I’ve been practicing the art of letting go. I have allowed myself time to evaluate the things in my life. Those things could be people or actual physical things. I evaluated the people in my life and had to figure out why they are in my life and what they adding to my life and what do I THINK I add to their life. After evaluating people I am left with being alone a lot of times. I figured out some people are just taking up space and not doing much, some were even cancers to my life or I was a cancer in theirs. We weren’t good for each other, and that’s good to acknowledge because then you are allowed to look at yourself and evaluate yourself.

Earlier I mentioned the fact that I often find myself alone. I enjoy being alone. People tend to get confused with being alone and lonely, and let’s be clear- I’m not lonely. Lonely is an emotion, feeling left out or abandoned. Alone is just being by yourself and I often enjoy being alone. When I’m alone I tend to really look at myself and pay attention to my thoughts and feelings. And I don’t think we as people don’t put enough energy into inwardly self. We think alone time is let me get a massage or let me go get a haircut but sometimes we need to actually focus on a feeling that we’ve been carrying around. Focusing your energy is so important.

Ive been getting rid of things in my life and it has allowed to me to refocus my energy when it’s needed. I’m learning how to evaluate everything in my life and what it adds or takes away from me. All of this is due to my fasciation with minimalism and my journey of minimizing my life. Originally, I was just attracted to the aesthetics of minimal living. The simple wardrobe, the simple yet chic living environment. As I continued to look more into it I realized what it was really about. Detaching yourself from things and really becoming aware of who you are as an individual and not putting so much emphasize on what you have you externally but who you are internally.

So I have these bracelets I always wear. One is bronze and the other one was copper. I had a customer come in, sweet older lady. She saw my bracelet and wanted it. She even was willing to pay for it. Initially I said no like these bracelets are apart of my aesthetics. But she wanted the bracelet for her arthritis(copper is good for arthritis). So I was still helping her and in the midst I got quiet. I was having an internal conversation with God consulting on what should I do. After some consulting I gave her bracelet. One, I only had the bracelet for the looks of it  and she needed it for arthritis(wants vs. needs). Secondly, it’s just a bracelet, I could simply get another one. When you put good into the world and think about the needs of others, good comes back to you. And that’s exactly what happened. Same lady came back the next day to give me a new bracelet, this one silver. I will forever be grateful and I will always remember her and that’s what life is about. Meeting people, exchanging good vibes and good words.

Originally when I started minimizing my life I thought I just had to throw everything away and start fresh but I learned that, that’s not the way to go. When we throw things away we only end up buying more stuff that we think we need. I found this blog that gave me a few pointers on how to begin my journey. I have removed a lot of things from my life and I started to focus more on who I was as a human, as a man, as a black man living in the now. One thing I have a huge attachment to is my shoes. I just love shoes and I like talking about them, looking at them, wearing them, I just love shoes. I have more shoes than the average man and that is perfectly fine. After watching ‘Minimalism: A Documentary about Important Things’ I realized, its okay to have my shoes. My fascination with shoes allows me to meet other people. I couldn’t tell you how many relationships I have in my life that started due to shoes. From clients at work to random people on the train. That film taught me, its ok to have things but realize why you have those things but don’t let those things define you, be true to who you are.

I continue to minimize my life I will continue to share my journey with people and hopefully inspire others. Thats what this blog is about, inspiring others, helping others ad exchanging ideas. Thats why I’m here, dressing well & talking shit.

Beanz Out

designer Beanz

cropped-img_0583.jpgI hate when people ask who I am. I never know exactly where to start. Babbling is my thing. The things I’ve accomplished aren’t important to me. I tend to focus on my current, like where am I now? Not where have I been or where I am going? Who am I to decide where am I going? I have dreams like anyone else, and of course I set goals and I pray the universe works in my favor to accomplish the things in which I want to accomplish…I control my destiny and all but I do not control my destiny. Sometimes what we think is for us, isn’t, and the universe knows that. Then we’re put on this roller coaster called life. And oh what a ride.

I’m Darrius, I tend to forget not everyone knows my name. I’m a black man who has recently discovered the power in which I hold as a black man (another topic for another day).

Fashion is my drug of choice (cliché) but no for real. From an early age I’ve developed my own style just like anyone else but what makes mine different is, its me! There will be no other me! Just like there will be no other YOU! Or HIM or SHE or THEM. Fortunately, my style has evolved overtime as I continue to grow and evolve as myself. This is where I share myself to those who take me in, piece by piece. I have many journeys to share with you all, and many looks to entice your eyes and hopefully spark your fashion, style, adventure guru spirit that lives within you.

I’m horrible with about me shit. I cant tell you about someone or something I know very little about, but I want to learn more about me to tell you about me And I pray that you join me on the journey of Darrius. The journey of designer Beanz. The journey of you. And I’m holding onto that prayer. Step by step. Day by day.

Brutal winter

Brutal winter

 


Publish men s fashion
urbanoutfitters.com

Gucci slip on shoes
$635 – neimanmarcus.com

Hood by Air summer top
hoodbyair.com

This was my very first set on Polyvore and this look basically captures my daily aesthetic. I’ve always have had this weird obsession with fur coats. Coach has done an amazing job with the revamping of their company and sticking to the quality in which Coach is known for. The toy solider coat not only looks incredibly warm and comfortable, it is that one piece that you could literally place with anything. I paired the Gucci kings bit loafer  to match the comfort of the coat. This great loafer alternative is a must this season and it’s also a timeless shoe that transition shoe that one could slip on at any time of year. To keep the balance,  a simple overall and white turtle neck will keep you warm and allow you to still be chill even when you remove your coat.