Thank God I Found the Good in Good-Bye

There’s so much pressure about finding the one, and finding someone who is for you. Sometimes, we find ourselves looking for the qualities that we think we want in someone. We’re so aware of those qualities and sometimes we block good people out of our lives because they have qualities we may or may not like. How do we really know what someone else needs to possess in order for us to feel “complete”? How do we know that person is the one and not just the one for right now? Do we even need the one? Can I just have a few and enjoy their company in a non intimate way? Why can’t I just enjoy myself? Maybe I’m not meant to find the one, maybe I am the one.
I have had a fair amount of relationships and I have found that, people are annoying. Doesn’t matter their gender,race,lifestyle, whatever, something about dating makes people ten times more annoying. Including myself. There are things that I can’t control, like my constant urge to cuddle all day and eat in bed. I can’t control that, it takes over my body and there’s nothing I can do. But no seriously, I had to analyze my situations(current and past) and think what was it that kept me there? And what I found was, it was the illusion of happiness. I say illusion because I was going through my own internal battles, my own demons that I didn’t and still don’t want to deal with. So, in order for me to be okay I would find happiness in others. And because happiness feels good, I stayed where it felt good.
Now I remember at some point of my early college career, I stopped dating. I just stopped. Cut all communication with people, wasn’t flirting with anyone, I just was like no. And it was in this time where I learned so much about myself. I was able to deal with some(definitely not all) of those demons that I carried around. I soul searched everyday, I dug deep into my heart and looked deep into my reflection to figure out and get a better understanding of who I was. I found a lot of ugly within but I found so much good. And I was happy with both because I found it, I acknowledged it, I took on the task of healing the internal wounds everyday on this journey of life.

I got back into dating because I stared feeling the pressure. “I have to find someone” I told myself. “Everyone needs someone” what others told me. So dammit, I got back out there and started dating. I met some really grand individuals who taught me a lot and we shared some great times but, at the end of it all, I found myself losing myself. I had to step back for a second because dating, schooling, working and adulting takes a lot of fucking energy. I mean golly! I was drained 98% of the time. Yes I was having fun but I was doing to much for nothing because news flash , I’m still single!

I have somewhat accepted that maybe I’m just meant to be alone. Maybe the one I’ve been looking for is within. I have to fully search within myself and let God and life heal the things in me so that I can fully love myself and be fine with it. There’s a lot of love that one can find in themselves where they won’t need any other validation from anyone else or anything else. Loving yourself isn’t a crime and being alone is a good thing, it’s a peace that I remember having that I want back. I want to get back in good graces with my surroundings and myself. So enjoy these single moments and let these moments matter. I can’t emphasize enough how important self care/love is. Now, if someone decides to come along and not be playing games, has great communication skills and is willing to make things work between one another, don’t shoot it down because you’re so indulged with yourself. Maybe the love you have found in yourself is what that other person needs to help them. You don’t know how what you’ve been through may help someone else.

So cheers to the good in goodbye, the love that we harbor within to share with others in your community and around the world. Love yourself, love one another. Be a light not only for one person but be a light that shines across seas.

Beanz Out

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July 1, 2017

I’ve been having a hard time reconnecting with myself. I have been so caught up in the hoopla that I feel like I wasn’t being me.Unfortunately, I was giving to much of my energy to the wrong things and people which caused me to lose myself for a while. I couldn’t articulate my thoughts, I couldn’t process things correctly. Then on top of that, summer school decided to turn up on me out of no where. So there I was, stuck and tired. Stuck in a place that I wasn’t familiar with and couldnt tell you how I got there. I just knew this place wasn’t allowing me to be myself. Earlier this week I told myself, I’m letting it go. I didn’t know what it was but I woke up and said, I’m letting this go. And I did. I realized that the reason why I was in this place of being stuck and tired is because I chose to stay there. I was choosing to stay in this place that kept me from being myself,kept me from opening up, kept me down. And the reason why I stayed there is because something in me felt safe there. “They can’t find me here” I told myself out of fear of being myself. I had given myself, my energy, my greatness to so many people who didnt deserve it, waste of time. People who were the result of “wyd” text and thoughts of boredom. My energy was off. My equilibrium was off. I was off. So I put myself in this place where I was drained and tired and I rested there. But I had to get out. I couldn’t let a few fuck ups get me out of whack. 

I woke up today July 1,2017 with new energy, new thoughts, newness. Everything in my life is new. I have new people in my life occupying my time and we’re good. I have new struggles I haven’t dealt with before, but I will handle them. I have new goals and I can’t achieve those goals in that unfamiliar place of replenishment that kept me away from me. I’m here, I’m back and I’m happy to be here. Happy to be back in the now. Protect your energy, your body, your heart, your soul. Take that time you need to unplug but don’t forget to plug back in and be great. 
-Beanz Out

Friday, June 16, 2017

Let’s get into this jacket ladies and gentleman. Let’s talk about this crazy deal I stumbled upon while riding around Atlanta and my friend randomly wanting to stop at Urban Outifitters. Now I have a rule about shopping at Urban Outiftters, if it isn’t on sale, PUT IT BACK! Literally, the majority of that stuff you can find at a thrift store, or on some hipster’s Etsy account. Where’s the lie? However, I don’t have time to search thrift stores and online shopping is a hassle so I just wait until Urban is having a sale. I could always wait on clothes. But that’s the problem, I always tell myself I could wait on clothes and end up with shoes for days with nothing to wear. So, I’ve been shopping. Reinventing my look (again). Trying to incorporate a little more color to my wardrobe. The sad part is someway, somehow I always result to buying something black or olive green or grey, those are like my go to colors. However, I saw this jacket and I had to have it. The site says $29.99 but I definitely paid $20. (Urban is weird like that) 

I’ve been neglecting my denim. These are my favorite Joe’s jeans that I bought three years ago. I have ripped these jeans more times than I can count but I love them so I just get them patched up. I have a jeans about designer jeans and that’s just buy one pair a year. They’re supposed to last like forever so you don’t need to spend all your money on a pair everytime you go shopping. I have bought some cheap little H&M jeans and some BDG as well but their exactly that, cheap little jeans that if I wash and dry probably won’t fit the same. 

I enjoyed this look. Felt great to wear. Got a lot of compliments and that jacket will be a staple in my wardrobe that will transition well into any season. 

Now, What Was Said About My “Romper”?

It has come to my attention that the new “trend” in men’s fashion is the ‘Romper’. Basically, a jumpsuit. Basically, an adult onesie that you could wear outside the house. This trend has sparked a lot of people’s attention and I have decided to weigh in on it a little bit.

First and foremost, this trend is not new. Overalls, jumpsuits, short jumpsuits and everything in between have been a thing for years. It’s been seen on runways by major designers and it has been apart of almost every major music scene for decades across almost all genres. Every one of us have owned a version of the romper since birth(the onesie). So why all of a sudden is it causing a rawr? I’m not sure. What I’m also not sure of is, who the fuck said fashion trends had a specific gender? Why can’t a man wear a short jumpsuit without his sexuality being in jeopardy? Who ever deemed a trend only for a woman or for a man? And if you’re such a man ,why the hell are you so hyper aware of your sexuality all the time and what people think of it? Clothes do not define who you are and what you like, its fashion. Its made to make you feel comfortable not other people. Lets dig deeper.

Whats really sick is that, its all good when these trends are “white-only”. No one is questioning the white man whose shorts barely cover his ass, no one questions the white man who wears sandals, BUT as soon as a man of color wears these “trends” he’s gay. Help me understand this. I repeat, ITS FASHION! There is no sexuality, gender or anything attached to fashion, if you like it, do what the fuck you do and don’t let anyone tell you anything different. Secondly, its sick that we live in a world where our fashion choices determine how we are viewed by society. This whole masculine, feminine bullshit is absolutely absurd. We have men walking around here suppressing their true feelings because they are scared to express themselves because of the threat of his masculinity. FYI bro, if you are comfortable with yourself and what you like you should not give two fucks about what someone else thinks or says. Be true to you and free your mind from society’s standard of what a man is. We have women walking around here being silent because she’s afraid to accidentally hurt these VERY emotional men’s feelings and she is taught to “stay in a woman’s place” FUCK-ALL-DAT! A woman’s place is the same place as a man, and there is NOTHING more attractive than a woman who defends herself and can hold down herself. FYI SIS, YOU FUCKING ROCK ON YOUR OWN, SPEAK UP!

Back to the subject at hand, this trend is NOT new and it SHOULD NOT be belittled because its a great look. It’s fun, its simple and oh my goodness its so comfortable. Using the bathroom could get a little tricky but oh well. A man’s pant length should not determine his life and why do men’s knees make you so uncomfortable anyway? ¬†Any trend that attracts you, go for it. Go for it. Yes you can pull it off, yes it is for you and don’t let anyone tell you anything different. I will continue wearing my “rompers” or jumpsuits or whatever we want to call them, #issalook and its great in my eyes.

-Beanz Out

 

Spring Wardrobe Refresher

The weather may be fluctuating between winter and summer but that isn’t stopping  spring trends are rolling out. I’ve been watching trends like a fly on the wall, and I’ve been trying to figure out what trends will work in my majority black and oversized wardrobe. I need to give some life back to my wardrobe, nothing drastic just a few pieces that will fit into my simple, minimal wardrobe. Lets dive in.

1.Stripes

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ZARA Striped Shirt- $49.90
From Balenciaga to Zara, stripes are in. I like the fact that I could pair a striped shirt with my favorite black H&M shorts or even a pair of jeans. Stripes could either be very annoying or something pleasant for the eyes. Make sure your stripes or only two colors, don’t overdo it. Flannels are cool but the simple stripes are a good alternative for this spring.

2.Shorts

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Patagonia Shorts- $50
Shorts can get a little interesting because if different parts of the world, short lengths mean different things. I’m from Miami which means, the shorter the shorts, the cooler you were. I say this Spring wear whatever shorts you want no matter what any one says. I promise the length of your shorts will not put your masculinity in jeopardy. Also, I think this is where I’m going to add more color to my life. I recently purchased a yellow pair of shorts and I had fun in them.

3. The white sneaker

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adidas Raf Simons Stan Smith- $400
I’m big on transition  shoes and the white sneaker is something you can never go wrong with the white sneaker. Literally, when I have nothing else to wear my Stan Smith’s or all white Vans are my go to’s. They get a little dirty but I think that gives them more character , adds more to your shoe story. The Raf Simon, Stan Smith’s are little pricey but they are super comfortable and will be a staple in your closet. Easy to wear with literally any outfit. There are many variations of the shite sneaker at several different price points but it is a need in your wardrobe.

To all my minimal, fashion enthusiast- lets have some fun with these upcoming seasons. The trends are in our favor and we’re going to abuse it until we cant anymore. I hope these three simple tips allows us to  refresh our Spring look without stepping out the box to much.

-Beanz Out