January 3, 2018- Tribe Talk

Today has been very emotional. I lost someone who was becoming apart of my life. But life sometimes has other plans and that happens. Through my emotions I’ve been able to look at my life and analyze some things. This time that I was allotted allowed me to realize that life is actually going pretty well. It set a fire under my ass to get back on my shit and continue loving myself and everything around me.

Today I am thankful for my tribe. My tribe is small but mighty. There’s that voice in my head that I like to call “mom”. This voice is a constant reminder of the blood that flows through me. The voice that reminds me of who I am and where I come from.

Then there’s another voice I like to call “dad”. The voice that runs deep in my soul and walks me through the tough times. Allowing some sort of calmness but also a sense of urgency. Kinda like ” take your time but get it done!” That’s dad.

But then there’s the moments of laughter that I like to call “Crystal and Alyssa” . The laugh that takes away all the worry. A consistent reminder that this life you are living isn’t going to be easy but perseverance will get you where you need to be.

Then there’s the voice of reason I call “Chelsey”. That voice tells me to get off my high horse and operate out of love.

Then there’s ” Chauntee” the air that listens. The air that allows me the space to get it all out- the good, the bad and the ugly. The air that is refreshing when it comes around.

There’s so many factors of my tribe and I love every last one of them. It’s my tribe that keeps me smiling and keeps me going and I love my tribe more than they would ever know. I thank them for putting up with me and uplifting me. I thank them for cutting me down to build me back up. I will forever be grateful.

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It’s Not Just Hair

There has been recent uproar about our favorite culture vulture, Kim Kardashian and her “Bo Derek braids” which is from a hairstyle worn by Bo Derek in the movie “10”. I wasn’t going to give this any more attention than it had already received because thats all this Kim girl wants, attention. But, Bo Derek took to Twitter  to weigh in on the topic and she said my favorite line when people are trying to dismiss culture appropriation in terms of hairstyles, “It’s just a hairstyle…” she said. But is it? It is just a hair style my girl or is it another thing that people of color can’t have for themselves?

As a natural, 4C crown rocking black man with locs , hair has become a part of my life. Its my thing. And what aggravates me is when people like to say “It’s just hair!” Let me give you some background on my hair and its current state. I used to be in that guy in the barbershop every week. over $100 a month on haircuts just to maintain my appearance. I had waves and I was just as cute as it got. Every year, I dedicate November to those who suffer from prostate cancer and participate in No Shave November. Last year I decided to hold on to my no shave commitment and what made me stick to it is because I stopped giving a fuck. I couldn’t stand when someone told me my hair wasn’t appropriate simply because it was in its natural state. My hair which is a well oiled machine, is my identity. And if you’re telling me that in its natural state its inappropriate then fuck off. So, a year later my hair decided to lock up and continues to grow and flourish.

When we’re talking about black hair in its natural state we’re talking about a revolution. Black hair in its natural state has always been described as wild and out of control and dirty. Non people of color (some, not all)would see natural hair and automatically think “they need to tame their hair”. White culture teaches us that if your hair isn’t neat and straight it’s wild and out of control. With this notion about hair, black people are then told their hair is inappropriate in certain settings and often makes people uncomfortable. But I thought it was just hair ? It doesn’t stink and FYI natural hair takes a lot more maintenance than you would think. If it’s just hair why does it make you uncomfortable or make you question it?

Fun fact. At some point in time in history, black women had to wear head wraps to cover their hair when dealing with anything white. Which means while cooking, cleaning or breast feeding a white baby that you didn’t brith 🙃. Another fun fact, black men were told to cut their hairs and brush it until they got “waves” to make them more presentable when they were being auctioned off to be enslaved people. Black hair has always been a symbol of blackness. The grade of your hair was a tell-tell sign that you had black in you.  Black hair in its natural state has been looked down upon for years causing women and men to burn themselves with perms and relaxers and what not to make there hair more “presentable”. But let’s also be clear, black hair is full of magic. Just because it isn’t nappy or course or whatever the fuck didn’t mean that person is trying to be white. Just like the color spectrum of black people, our hair comes in different forms too.

In regards to Kim Kardashian and Bo Derek, it isn’t just hair. Its a style that had purpose. Was used to help slaves escape making maps in their heads. It was used to protect our scalps from the elements. It’s a style for us and looks a million times better on us. Sorry not sorry.

So it isn’t just hair. It’s a reminder that I am black as fuck and I love being black as fuck and love everything, including my 4C hair, about it. It’s not just hair, it’s mine!

-Beanz Out

(HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH! YALL KNOW THIS IS MY SECOND FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR NEXT TO MY BIRTHDAY MONTH! I WILL BE CELEBRATING ALL OF OUR GLORY ALL YEAR BUT I WILL EXTRA THIS MONTH BECAUSE… WE FUCKING ROCK!)

01:30:2018

I’ve been having a hard time processing information lately. For some reason I feel as if I’m not getting the whole truth in things. Im discerning on another level that makes me question “is there more to this ?” What eventually happens is I end up on this quest for an answer that sits well with me. I dig for the answers that resinates with my spirit but even then I’m still left with the question “is there more to this?” Someone explained to me that this is all apart of the “awakening process” but I’m like, when did I sign up for this ?

Literally, internally I’m at peace with a lot of things and I find myself flowing a lot more fluidly these days and even when I’m on these mini quest of truth I’m still at peace. I’m not racing and pacing all over the place, I’m not freaking out, not losing out on sleep or anything. But it’s not always roses and cotton candy, sometimes I literally feel like I’m losing my shit. When something else is revealed to me I can’t just accept it, I have to process it. During that process I’m like “well why is it that at one point this was said? And am I the only one who sees this happening ?” It’s weird, it’s fun, it’s annoying.

All in all , this is my life. This is my journey. Everything has a purpose and I have given up on trying to figure out what the purpose is, everything will reveal itself in due time. The deeper I dig within myself, the more gold I will find. The more truth I operate in, the more love I will give out. I’m on this journey , no I didn’t sign up for it but someone or something knew this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Beanz Out

Dear White People,

This is an inclusive blog for all people who are interested. But this post right here is for my people off of the melanin scale, hello. My name is Darrius and this is my black ass blog where I talk about my daily life as a black man in America. I’m glad you’re here because it’s story time. Yes, my favorite time. This story is about the time one of your white male counterparts caught these black hands.

I’m out with a friend having a great time. We’re shooting the breeze, minding our business at a local bar in Atlanta. Not to many feet away from us is a group of white people, mostly female with one white guy. They’re playing a game as all of us are (it’s one of those hipster, nostalgic, arcade style bars) and out of no where one of the girls walks up to my friend and ask if she could touch his butt. It was a dare that was apart of their game, he says sure whatever, she does it and walks away. Proud of her for asking permission to invade his personal space and touch his ass (Kudos to Susan, yay Susan), ANYWAYS. The night goes on and I’m talking my shit like I do and all of a sudden this strong tug came upon me. My locs of glory were being attacked and man handled by some white devil. I was SHOOKETH! Yes ladies and gentlemen, this white man- unannounced, grabbed my hair. I grabbed his hand and very strongly and explained to him why thats not okay and why I wasn’t bashing his head into the ground (drinks, long days, not a good combination for a fight). He continued to explain himself saying he was dared to do it, instead of apologizing of course. So me being me, I went on to ask him why me? Out of everyone in here you thought it was okay as a white man to touch another persons hair that you did not know, not only that, you chose to grab another black mans hair. Now, its about to be 2018 we all have seen these Twitter threads and Instagram post about black hair and how it is not an invitation for your white paws, or any paws of that matter to touch black hair.  He couldn’t even respond. He eventually apologized but at this point I’m FURIOUS. But to make a long story short (don’t want to lose you guys before I make a damn point-I babble) two of the females in the group were trying to defend him, we exchanged some hands and my friend pulled me away before it got to crazy and I left.

Now, thats some crazy shit. First off, did your fucking parents not teach you to keep your hands to yourself? You don’t invade someones privacy like that. You’re a grown fucking man and you out here playing truth or dare and thought it was cool to touch someones hair. Then as a white man you chose the black guy who’s shorter than you with glasses and locs. Little did you know JOHN, this shorter black MAN wasn’t raised to be WEAK or to be treated as LESS THAN. JOHN( read white people), I speak on behalf of the black community when I say, we have the strength and courage of our ancestors but we are NOT our ancestors. WE WILL FUCK YOU UP! I don’t give a rats damn who you think you are, who someone told you were. Your privilege does not reign supreme. Your privilege will get you fucked up. No questions asked. Secondly, it is not your place Susan( read white people) to try to defend this act of privilege in which your white counterpart,John decided to act upon. You can know about the issues within the black community , know the history, understand that black lives do matter but baby girl, you will never be able to explain a black issue to another black person because you have not had the HONOR of walking around as a black person in a white ruled America. You can do all the research in the world but you will truly never get it. It is not up to you to try to explain what happened and why, I know whats up. However, you knew in your heart that something about this was wrong and should be stopped, but you didnt. So no Susan( read white people), I do not want to hear you out.

This situation is an ongoing issue in the white community. I know for a fact that not all white people are bad but I hate seeing privilege go to waste. It is up to white people to talk to other white people and explain to them why it isn’t okay to cross these boundaries. Why you can’t say nigga/er , why you cant touch another persons hair and why its even more offensive to touch a black persons hair, why black lives matter isn’t a hate group, why black lives matter. You can be invited to the cookout but you cant have a seat at the table unless you are doing your part. As my dad used to say, ” A man who doesn’t cook, doesn’t eat.” If you don’t contribute to the table, you cant eat from the table. I was mad but I’m not anymore. I stood my ground regardless of what the outcome could’ve been. As Malcolm X said, ” A man who doesn’t stand for something will fall for anything. ” I know something clicked in someones head tonight. At the least people will now know what could possibly happen if they cross that boundary. I will continue to discuss these issues and I hope you do too.

-Beanz Out

December 1,2017

I’m shedding. Shedding away. Day by day, step by step. The things that once were are no longer. I show gratitude to today for allowing me to enjoy it. I show gratitude to those who came before me that prayed for me to be here, moving and breathing. I show gratitude to the universe for keeping me grounded no matter what wind blows my way I stay, grounded. I show gratitude to God for being God and breathing breath into me every second of my days and for allowing me to embark this journey of daily newness. I’m grateful.

Stepping away and focusing on me was truly what I needed. There’s so many things that I had to leave in order to return to myself. Those things that kept me from my happiness. I found that being who I am is the only thing in this world that is worth fighting for. I have been given the tools in order to be the best and it’s up to me to use these tools. I’m grateful for everything and everyone that I have enjoyed on this journey because even when I didn’t see it, I learned so much. Every experience, had a lesson. Every loss, was a win. Every gain, was another reason to be grateful. I’m ever changing, shape shifting at its finest. And I now know I am exactly where I’m supposed to be today. I’m not sure how I got here but I know, whatever is happening now is supposed to be happening now. I will continue to learn and continue to grow. Thank God for Change, thank God for space, thank God for growth. Thank God.

Beanz Out.