Dating in College

I talk a lot about being alone and embracing being alone that people are starting to think I’m this young, heart broken black boy. Before I move forward with this post I just want to clear some things up, my heart has been broken but I have taken time to let it heal. Not only that, I have found the good in good bye and the peace that comes from being alone. I love seeing people happy in their relationships and my friends know they can come to me and talk about whatever they have going on in regards to their relationship for anything in life. I have not found anyone worth my energy. Time you can’t get back so sometimes you just have to take that L. But your energy  you can protect and release on what you please and you determine how much energy you’ll give something. Right now I’m protecting my energy and when life ushers in that special someone then we’ll take it from there. So no I’m not anti-relationships, no I’m not heart broken and though I have my sad spells like anyone who sufferes from depression but I’m not the founder of the Sad Boys Club.

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I’ve been asking my friends for their opinions on dating in college and just dating while young. I’ve heard so many different perspectives, it was very insightful to say the least. Apparently this subject has been put into the universe because my best friend and her boyfriend actually made a vlog about dating in college which was not only entertaining but informative. I’m pretty close with both of them but this video got deeper into their relationship. It was refreshing though because they were honest. It made me think about my dating experiences and just my out look on dating in college as a whole.

There was one question that stood out to me. Would you recommend dating in college to someone…there was a brief moment of silence but the response said a mouthful. Lets fast forward here, I linked the video (twice) so you all can watch it. I tell people all the time, don’t rush being in a relationship. The more you rush it, the quicker it will end. Enjoy yourself for a while then let life find your mate. But after watching the video, my response has changed. Ira, who was a guest on the vlog, responded and said “it depends where they are in life.” And that my friends is very important. As a friend, it is my duty to have a understanding of who you are and where you are in life. If you come to asking for advice I have to be honest with you. Maybe where you are right now, you need some time to heal and love yourself before you involve someone. Maybe you’re in a great place and someone deserves the love you have to share. It’s a case by case scenario.

Dating in college for me has been… hold on I have GIFs that explain all of this…

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starts out all…
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and then I realized…
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then I’m like…
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then I try again…
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eventually I’m here…still here
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but then i realized who the fuck I really was…

I know, I’m a joke. But literally its been a rollercoaster. Met some awesome people who I still keep in contact with. There was a lot of trash in the midst of me dating, shit theres still trash that I’m trying to get rid of but they won’t go! But each person taught me valuable lessons and I mean it is what it is. It’s not easy but fuck its so much fun! You literally just have try it before you shoot it down. At the moment I’m focusing on me and my career so a relationship doesn’t fit right now. But thats me, that may not be your situation but HEY if it is, welcome to the club, we have A/C and snacks! If you are young and dating or young and in college and dating or just dating in general, hold on. Understand each other, love each other, uplift each other. Give one another their space and understand in time, they’ll be back right up under you. There will be arguments, there will be moments where its like literally you want to kill each other but always remember the foundation that you guys are standing on which is love. Love yourself, love one another, spread love, be about love.

-Beanz Out

Lets Be Clear

A lot of people see me and read my blog and follow me on Instagram and put me in the category of being “woke”.  Woke is the past tense of being wake, the moment the “veil in removed from ones eyes”, being aware of problems concerning the human race and being somewhat of an advocate of these things. This is all good but lets be clear, I’m not woke. Hear me out.

I have ran into several people who claim to be woke and who are so fucking sleep it makes no sense. They read these books and quotes from politcal leaders before us and base their whole lives on that. Heres the problem, you can’t repeat whats already been done. The fore fathers and mothers of the revolution were born in a different time and a different space where certain things were unacceptable and unthought of. We are our ancestors biggest dreams. They did not fight and march and protest for us to mimic them. They set a foundation for us to build upon. And my issue with some “woke” people are, they spew so much hate. How can you be for black people but pick and choose which black person you want to fight for? How can you want peace of love for a certain person but disregard others because they live a different life than you do? That’s not woke. Thats ignorant.

To be aware of issues you have to know of all issues. To be apart of the solution you have to see the problems as a whole and figure out where you fit. Not everyone is met to be the leader of a group, some people are meant to be behind the scenes and plan and strategize, not stand on their soap box and talk about how much black lives matter. You have to be about action. Find your lane and stay there. I’m a blogger, I’ve been blessed with the talent of writing and articulating myself to get a message across. Not only am I a blogger, I’m a business student at the illustrious Clark Atlanta University which is a historically black university. I am part of the solution simply by knowing my lane. I have plans that will not only benefit me and add notches to my resume it will uplift communities- local and abroad. Thats what being aware is. Recognizing who you are as a person and recognizing what is going on around you and then figuring out how to fix it. Understanding how to use your resources and make shit happen. Not competing against other woke individuals on who is more woke or more black or more anything. Not hash tagging black lives matter every time someone is racially profiled but ignoring trans lives and Native American lives, muslims lives and dammit even white people. You have to love everyone and be about equality and justice across the board.

So, I repeat- I AM NOT WOKE. I am aware. I am aware of who I am. I’m not sure of my purpose as of yet but I am aware of the fact that my purpose will find me as long as I am putting good back into the world. I will continue to fight for the rights of black, brown, gay, straight, trans, christians, muslims, buddhist, EVERYONE. I will continue to smile everyday, because if you didnt know, being happy is apart of the revolution. And will remain aware, with all eyes and ears open of the problems in this cold world and hopefully with the strength of God, my ancestors, the universe and my village I will be apart of the solution to end the problems in this world. My daily prayer is to be led and to keep the peace within and around me. And thats, that.

-Beanz Out

Your Circle.

A lot of people, including myself, have been caught applauding themselves about how small their circle is. Circle referring to their friends. For some reason, we feel as if we should be proud at the fact that we have a small group of friends. But, is it really that big of a deal? Yes, yes it is. I started off by writing something else but actually this is important( to me at least). I have a very small group of friends who I have watched grow into these beautiful specimens. I brag about my friends all the time like a proud parent who’s kid just won the national spelling bee. In my eyes, my friends have won the national spelling bee multiple times. I have friends who have crossed borders to reach beyond expectations to help other people, I have friends who have started their own business, I also have friends who just live their lives. No matter who they are or what they are doing, my little circle of friends are doing amazing things. And I am proud of each and every one of them.

Its not about having a small circle, i just choose to keep my circle small because thats less birthdays I have to remember. But its about the people in your circle. What are they like? What fruit do they bare? Is it good fruit? What do they add to you? What do they subtract? You have to analyze your friends to make sure that they have a flow of good energy when they are around you. Its a everyday task to keep your vibrations high but do your friends lower them, or make them dance and go higher and higher?

I remember not valuing friendships and relationships at all. I just ended them and didn’t care about if I ever heard from that person ever again, well at least I would pretend not to care. As I’ve gotten older (shit here I go sounding old again), I realize how important relationships are. I have learned not to be so quick to cut people off but to figure them out first and then go from there. Now, if a person immediately shows me they not right within I have to let them go. But, if I’ve been rocking with you X amount of time, and you decide to start acting funny, I’ll give you your space but I’ll come back and say to you “What the fuck is your problem? Lets talk.” And that is because you just never know what someone is going through and we all have our moments where we just need to be left alone. But when the love is there, it will draw you two back and create a space where you can talk. Sometimes we have to humble ourselves in order for this space to be created but the universe knows what it’s doing, God will work everything out.

I value everyone in and out of my life. Each and every person I have welcomed into my life has taught me valuable lessons. They have taught me what to do and what not to do, they have taught me about myself, they have taught me how to love. This one is for all of you reading this, I love you all. You have read my posts, liked my pictures, followed me on all platforms and have shared moments with me. You have welcomed me into your lives and I am so happy to be here. If I have in any way, shape or form caused any pain or dissatisfaction to your life I am sorry and I pray you forgive me. Thank you for being you and thank you for allowing me to be me. Thank you for allowing me to grow and thank you for allowing me to watch you grow.

-Beanz Out

V-DAY

As I continue to progress in life and tune into different atmospheres, I’ve become very observant. I’m observing myself, others, my environment, the seen and the unseen. one day I was walking into Kroger(grocery store) and me being the observer I am, I observed red and pink hearts everywhere. And literally, the eye roll that took place could’ve been seen from across the oceans! I just couldn’t believe its happening again, another Valentine’s Day; single and by myself.

After some time of being by yourself on Valentine’s Day you start telling yourself things like this “Valentine’s Day is dumb!” or “This is just another one of America’s ways to get peoples money!” and you become so numb to holiday as a whole. Another thing you do is, celebrate “Single’s Awareness Day” which is usually spent with your other single friends over a nice dinner and endless glasses of wine. All of that is okay but lets go back to what Valentine’s Day is about, love! One day dedicated to that one special person you truly care about or even love. A commercialized holiday yes, but its a day to really shed some love on someone. Lets take another step back and look at the relationship you share with yourself. What was the last thing you have done for yourself in the act of self care? Self love?

It is hard to balance everything you have to do and to take care of yourself. Trust me I know! I am such an advocate for being alone and taking care of yourself. Self care is usually  the last thing on our todo list. The one thing we literally have to plan weeks in advance because we are so caught up in the other things that we have to do; pay bills, do homework, projects, stay current with the trends – there’s so much to do! And in the midst of doing all of that we sleep and take a shower and those are little acts of self care, absolutely. Take Valentine’s Day to go into self care overdrive. Go get a manicure/ pedicure, go get a haircut, clean your house, delete your emails, go buy a plant, go shopping- do what makes you happy. Self care is exactly what is sounds like, taking care of self. There are so many ways to do that, just make sure you are taking the time to do it.

Lets move forward this Valentine’s Day. Lets acknowledge the “holiday” and do what we need to do for ourselves. Let the couples enjoy their day together and we will enjoy the company of ourselves and take care of ourselves. Self care and self love is so important, if we do not take care of us inwardly and outwardly and learn to love ourselves, how are we supposed to love one another? Spread love, everyday and love each other everyday don’t wait on for February 14th to express your love for someone, do it as much as you can even if that someone is yourself.