January 3, 2018- Tribe Talk

Today has been very emotional. I lost someone who was becoming apart of my life. But life sometimes has other plans and that happens. Through my emotions I’ve been able to look at my life and analyze some things. This time that I was allotted allowed me to realize that life is actually going pretty well. It set a fire under my ass to get back on my shit and continue loving myself and everything around me.

Today I am thankful for my tribe. My tribe is small but mighty. There’s that voice in my head that I like to call “mom”. This voice is a constant reminder of the blood that flows through me. The voice that reminds me of who I am and where I come from.

Then there’s another voice I like to call “dad”. The voice that runs deep in my soul and walks me through the tough times. Allowing some sort of calmness but also a sense of urgency. Kinda like ” take your time but get it done!” That’s dad.

But then there’s the moments of laughter that I like to call “Crystal and Alyssa” . The laugh that takes away all the worry. A consistent reminder that this life you are living isn’t going to be easy but perseverance will get you where you need to be.

Then there’s the voice of reason I call “Chelsey”. That voice tells me to get off my high horse and operate out of love.

Then there’s ” Chauntee” the air that listens. The air that allows me the space to get it all out- the good, the bad and the ugly. The air that is refreshing when it comes around.

There’s so many factors of my tribe and I love every last one of them. It’s my tribe that keeps me smiling and keeps me going and I love my tribe more than they would ever know. I thank them for putting up with me and uplifting me. I thank them for cutting me down to build me back up. I will forever be grateful.

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It’s Not Just Hair

There has been recent uproar about our favorite culture vulture, Kim Kardashian and her “Bo Derek braids” which is from a hairstyle worn by Bo Derek in the movie “10”. I wasn’t going to give this any more attention than it had already received because thats all this Kim girl wants, attention. But, Bo Derek took to Twitter  to weigh in on the topic and she said my favorite line when people are trying to dismiss culture appropriation in terms of hairstyles, “It’s just a hairstyle…” she said. But is it? It is just a hair style my girl or is it another thing that people of color can’t have for themselves?

As a natural, 4C crown rocking black man with locs , hair has become a part of my life. Its my thing. And what aggravates me is when people like to say “It’s just hair!” Let me give you some background on my hair and its current state. I used to be in that guy in the barbershop every week. over $100 a month on haircuts just to maintain my appearance. I had waves and I was just as cute as it got. Every year, I dedicate November to those who suffer from prostate cancer and participate in No Shave November. Last year I decided to hold on to my no shave commitment and what made me stick to it is because I stopped giving a fuck. I couldn’t stand when someone told me my hair wasn’t appropriate simply because it was in its natural state. My hair which is a well oiled machine, is my identity. And if you’re telling me that in its natural state its inappropriate then fuck off. So, a year later my hair decided to lock up and continues to grow and flourish.

When we’re talking about black hair in its natural state we’re talking about a revolution. Black hair in its natural state has always been described as wild and out of control and dirty. Non people of color (some, not all)would see natural hair and automatically think “they need to tame their hair”. White culture teaches us that if your hair isn’t neat and straight it’s wild and out of control. With this notion about hair, black people are then told their hair is inappropriate in certain settings and often makes people uncomfortable. But I thought it was just hair ? It doesn’t stink and FYI natural hair takes a lot more maintenance than you would think. If it’s just hair why does it make you uncomfortable or make you question it?

Fun fact. At some point in time in history, black women had to wear head wraps to cover their hair when dealing with anything white. Which means while cooking, cleaning or breast feeding a white baby that you didn’t brith 🙃. Another fun fact, black men were told to cut their hairs and brush it until they got “waves” to make them more presentable when they were being auctioned off to be enslaved people. Black hair has always been a symbol of blackness. The grade of your hair was a tell-tell sign that you had black in you.  Black hair in its natural state has been looked down upon for years causing women and men to burn themselves with perms and relaxers and what not to make there hair more “presentable”. But let’s also be clear, black hair is full of magic. Just because it isn’t nappy or course or whatever the fuck didn’t mean that person is trying to be white. Just like the color spectrum of black people, our hair comes in different forms too.

In regards to Kim Kardashian and Bo Derek, it isn’t just hair. Its a style that had purpose. Was used to help slaves escape making maps in their heads. It was used to protect our scalps from the elements. It’s a style for us and looks a million times better on us. Sorry not sorry.

So it isn’t just hair. It’s a reminder that I am black as fuck and I love being black as fuck and love everything, including my 4C hair, about it. It’s not just hair, it’s mine!

-Beanz Out

(HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH! YALL KNOW THIS IS MY SECOND FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR NEXT TO MY BIRTHDAY MONTH! I WILL BE CELEBRATING ALL OF OUR GLORY ALL YEAR BUT I WILL EXTRA THIS MONTH BECAUSE… WE FUCKING ROCK!)

01:30:2018

I’ve been having a hard time processing information lately. For some reason I feel as if I’m not getting the whole truth in things. Im discerning on another level that makes me question “is there more to this ?” What eventually happens is I end up on this quest for an answer that sits well with me. I dig for the answers that resinates with my spirit but even then I’m still left with the question “is there more to this?” Someone explained to me that this is all apart of the “awakening process” but I’m like, when did I sign up for this ?

Literally, internally I’m at peace with a lot of things and I find myself flowing a lot more fluidly these days and even when I’m on these mini quest of truth I’m still at peace. I’m not racing and pacing all over the place, I’m not freaking out, not losing out on sleep or anything. But it’s not always roses and cotton candy, sometimes I literally feel like I’m losing my shit. When something else is revealed to me I can’t just accept it, I have to process it. During that process I’m like “well why is it that at one point this was said? And am I the only one who sees this happening ?” It’s weird, it’s fun, it’s annoying.

All in all , this is my life. This is my journey. Everything has a purpose and I have given up on trying to figure out what the purpose is, everything will reveal itself in due time. The deeper I dig within myself, the more gold I will find. The more truth I operate in, the more love I will give out. I’m on this journey , no I didn’t sign up for it but someone or something knew this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Beanz Out

December 1,2017

I’m shedding. Shedding away. Day by day, step by step. The things that once were are no longer. I show gratitude to today for allowing me to enjoy it. I show gratitude to those who came before me that prayed for me to be here, moving and breathing. I show gratitude to the universe for keeping me grounded no matter what wind blows my way I stay, grounded. I show gratitude to God for being God and breathing breath into me every second of my days and for allowing me to embark this journey of daily newness. I’m grateful.

Stepping away and focusing on me was truly what I needed. There’s so many things that I had to leave in order to return to myself. Those things that kept me from my happiness. I found that being who I am is the only thing in this world that is worth fighting for. I have been given the tools in order to be the best and it’s up to me to use these tools. I’m grateful for everything and everyone that I have enjoyed on this journey because even when I didn’t see it, I learned so much. Every experience, had a lesson. Every loss, was a win. Every gain, was another reason to be grateful. I’m ever changing, shape shifting at its finest. And I now know I am exactly where I’m supposed to be today. I’m not sure how I got here but I know, whatever is happening now is supposed to be happening now. I will continue to learn and continue to grow. Thank God for Change, thank God for space, thank God for growth. Thank God.

Beanz Out.

November

I know I’m not alone when I say, 2017 has by far been the hardest year of my life. So much has changed internally and externally. It’s hard for me to keep up at times and sometimes I lose track of time and things and sometimes even people. I get so indulged in the now that I can’t recall yesterday and I definitely don’t have time to worry about tomorrow. Being tossed around by life isn’t the most enjoyable thing but I had to learn to enjoy whatever life brings me. I had to learn to laugh during the pain. And smile when it hurts. Not that I’m ignoring the struggle or the pain or any other negative force I just had to learn to get thru it. All of that takes a lot of energy.

I tell people all the time to protect your energy. I am the spokesperson for protecting your energy. Thats truly the only thing you cannot get back. You can try to redo things and keep trying and trying again until you get it right but the energy you used to do that will never come back. Was it worth it? In some instances, yes. But in a lot of cases its not. We waste so much energy of frivolous things that we end up hurting ourselves. I have fallen victim to this. I need time to heal and time to replenish my soul. Fall/ Winter is always a hard time for me. My body hurts, I’m tired and I’m cold. I hate being cold and tired at the same time( not fun!). Sometimes we have to separate ourselves from everything and everyone and be a little selfish and focus on ourselves. We deserve the time to be alone and do what we need to do in order to prosper and move forward in life. Self care ladies and gentlemen.

November is my month to disappear for a while. I disconnect from the world for a while to reconnect with myself and listen to what my soul is saying. This is the time I take in order to end the year on a positive note and welcome the new year in with open arms. i REenergize, REprogram, REvive and REplenish. In this time my phone isn’t glued to my hands, I’m not on social media and majority of my time is spent alone. Allow me this time to love myself so that I could continue to love you guys through my blog and daily encounters. I hope to come back with a new mind, heart and stronger spirit. There are things brewing in the pot for me and I can’t wait to come back and share everything with you all. I will return when the time is right just allow me this space and time to figure it out. Love you to the moon and back and back again.

-Beanz Out