I’m Not Your Woke Friend

There has been many things going on in the world. Suddenly slavery was a choice and you can’t sit in Starbucks as a black man without being targeted. There’s just a lot of vibes being thrown around. And there’s also been a surge of people wanting to hear my opinion on things. Phone calls, tweets, DMs, text messages, actual strangers trying to start debates with me because apparently I just look like I have an opinion. And I do. But what I won’t do is continue to use my energy towards fuck shit. And I wish I could find another word(s) to describe what’s been happening but that’s just what it is. Fuck shit.

First and foremost, I thought I told y’all- I’m not woke. Nothing about me is woke. I’m aware. I’m aware of the uneducated, ignorance that has been spewing out of Kanye’s mouth ( yes I saw the whole interview, still fuck shit). I’m aware that it’s still cool but not cool to be black in public places. But I’m not your woke friend who is going to use all of their energy ranting and raving about topics over and over again. The woke community lacks something that truly bothers me and that’s facts. Facts trumps everything. If you don’t have your facts in order, don’t even try to start a conversation with me because I’m going to hurt your feelings. Research isn’t that hard. Stop allowing these social media prophets to big up your heads. Know the whole story and all the facts and then we can talk.

Another thing the woke community lacks is self identity. There have been many before us that unfortunately have fought similar(read same) battles that we are fighting today. However times are different. Frequencies are different. We are vibrating at a higher wavelength than those who came before us which means, we have to do things a little different. The woke community love to hold onto old ideologies that worked in the 50s and the 90s. But let’s think about what life was like back then. Shit, woman just earned the right to vote in 1920 and black women couldn’t vote until the 1960s. That alone says a lot. Women are forerunners for the majority of political movements and a few decades ago they weren’t even able to have a say-so for what happened in the world they lived in. So no, I can’t have the mindset as Marcus Garvey or Malcom X. However, I appreciate everything they have done and I will learn from their journey but I’m going to do what works for me.

And the last issue I’m going to discuss in regards to the woke community is the lack of resources. I still can’t understand how you can be woke and still pick and choose what type of person you choose to stand for. How can you wear your Black Lives Matter shirts and hashtag #BLM on every post yet, faggot is a word in your daily vocabulary? How do you not see all people of color as equal? How you hating on a person that isn’t even paying you any attention that is doing 10 times better than you? The LGBTQ community have been front and center for every political event yet the woke community still scrutinizes gays in the black community. If it wasn’t for those same faggots and dikes you would still be stuck in some fucked up situations. And speaking of resources, do you not understand that there is so much to learn from a person living a different lifestyle than you? Those trends that you are so ready to hop on, who you think started that?…don’t know ? I’ll tell you. The black woman that you quick to call a ho and a bitch but yet she’s a queen. The faggot that you bullied in middle school. The same people who subliminally made you are the same people you are casting out of your woke movement.

I repeat, I’m not your woke friend. When Kanye does something that is outright disappointing and foolish, don’t call me. I been telling y’all stop thinking one sided. When you question a man’s masculinity because of whatever, don’t call me because I been told y’all masculinity and femininity work together. And I also told you hyper masculinity is a fucking joke. No I’m not mad, I’ve been mad before. Now I’m just focusing my energy elsewhere. Focusing on fixing issues. Focusing on helping my community. And for my people, you know who you are, next time someone comes at you with the fuck shit ask them one question, what have you done for your community that has had a positive impact ?

Beanz Out

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Captain Save a Ho

I’ve come to realize that my life has aligned things that always put me in a position to help. I truly believe that we were put here on this earth to help one another. We all go through different things and have different experiences. We gain wisdom from our experiences and this wisdom is meant to be shared with those who need it.

For a long time I was giving , giving and giving and never took a chance to stop and ask “ who’s giving to me ?” That never was a concern of mine. I don’t help someone with the intentions of receiving something back. My true fulfillment comes from seeing my seed grow. Every word of advice-a seed. Every comforting hug- a seed. Every tear shed on my shoulder- a seed. I only plant what I want to harvest. I want everyone around me to flourish. Even if our time together is limited I want to know that you are out in the world living your life to its full potential and it brings tears of joy to know that my simple act of genuine kindness helped you get to where you are. I have no need to remind you, I have no right to get anything in return. All I want is for you to shine.

We have to open ourselves to other people. Our journey isn’t just for us. We have to share our experiences and our kind words and our truth in order to keep the cycle going. We must water one another in love and help wash away whatever pain we are harboring. In order for us to evolve as a people we must continue to humble ourselves and shed a light into one another’s life. There’s enough hate in the world we all can use an act of kindness and a warm hug right now.

This is a blog of love, this is a blog of unity. I love each and every one of you and I want my love to live forever so spread love. Let’s just love one another. We can use it for sure.

-Beanz Out

Don’t Smoke in Bed: My Ode to Letting Go

I have been planting seeds. I have been watering my seeds. I have watched my seeds bring fourth newness. I have watched my newness die. In that moment where I witnessed my “dead” plant I had a decision to make, replant and nurture what was there or pluck it up and move on. I’m in the season of plucking up and moving on.

The things that I was holding on to are no more. I can no longer carry the burden of something that is not meant to be. Yes, these things have taught me a number of lessons and I am forever grateful for the lessons I have learned but I can’t move into this new season holding onto these things.

I have been planting many seeds. And now I am able to witness some newness from some of these seeds I have planted. I’m so proud of these new plants in my life and they are deeply rooted in prayer, faith and struggle. Through this struggle I have learned and met some amazing people and have done some amazing things. But some of these people and things were only for the moment and I can no longer carry them and they just don’t fit in this upcoming season. There will always be a place in my heart for these people and experiences, I shall never forget.

I pray that the feelings of joy and love and prosperity that I felt in my life will be felt by many people. However, I must go. Thank you for all that you have taught me. Thank you for allowing me to grow. Thank you for picking me up when I fell. Thank you for opening an ear when I needed it. But now we must go our separate ways and I’m taking my strong plants with me so that I can continue to plant my seeds and watch my plants grow.

Remember me always as the light that shined on you when the clouds took over your sight. Remember the good and let’s not forget the bad that groomed us to this point today. Remember to take your breaths and embrace the earth and all She offers. And lastly,as the great Nina Simone said, don’t smoke in bed… take care of yourself.

-Beanz Out

January 3, 2018- Tribe Talk

Today has been very emotional. I lost someone who was becoming apart of my life. But life sometimes has other plans and that happens. Through my emotions I’ve been able to look at my life and analyze some things. This time that I was allotted allowed me to realize that life is actually going pretty well. It set a fire under my ass to get back on my shit and continue loving myself and everything around me.

Today I am thankful for my tribe. My tribe is small but mighty. There’s that voice in my head that I like to call “mom”. This voice is a constant reminder of the blood that flows through me. The voice that reminds me of who I am and where I come from.

Then there’s another voice I like to call “dad”. The voice that runs deep in my soul and walks me through the tough times. Allowing some sort of calmness but also a sense of urgency. Kinda like ” take your time but get it done!” That’s dad.

But then there’s the moments of laughter that I like to call “Crystal and Alyssa” . The laugh that takes away all the worry. A consistent reminder that this life you are living isn’t going to be easy but perseverance will get you where you need to be.

Then there’s the voice of reason I call “Chelsey”. That voice tells me to get off my high horse and operate out of love.

Then there’s ” Chauntee” the air that listens. The air that allows me the space to get it all out- the good, the bad and the ugly. The air that is refreshing when it comes around.

There’s so many factors of my tribe and I love every last one of them. It’s my tribe that keeps me smiling and keeps me going and I love my tribe more than they would ever know. I thank them for putting up with me and uplifting me. I thank them for cutting me down to build me back up. I will forever be grateful.

01:30:2018

I’ve been having a hard time processing information lately. For some reason I feel as if I’m not getting the whole truth in things. Im discerning on another level that makes me question “is there more to this ?” What eventually happens is I end up on this quest for an answer that sits well with me. I dig for the answers that resinates with my spirit but even then I’m still left with the question “is there more to this?” Someone explained to me that this is all apart of the “awakening process” but I’m like, when did I sign up for this ?

Literally, internally I’m at peace with a lot of things and I find myself flowing a lot more fluidly these days and even when I’m on these mini quest of truth I’m still at peace. I’m not racing and pacing all over the place, I’m not freaking out, not losing out on sleep or anything. But it’s not always roses and cotton candy, sometimes I literally feel like I’m losing my shit. When something else is revealed to me I can’t just accept it, I have to process it. During that process I’m like “well why is it that at one point this was said? And am I the only one who sees this happening ?” It’s weird, it’s fun, it’s annoying.

All in all , this is my life. This is my journey. Everything has a purpose and I have given up on trying to figure out what the purpose is, everything will reveal itself in due time. The deeper I dig within myself, the more gold I will find. The more truth I operate in, the more love I will give out. I’m on this journey , no I didn’t sign up for it but someone or something knew this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Beanz Out