I have a problem. My problem is, I do what I want. With this problem, people feel the need to tell me how they feel about what I’m doing but what they really like to talk about is what I’m wearing. It is very seldom that I ask people how they feel about my outfit or should I wear something or not. My style is exactly that, mine. It’s my way of self expression, my mood, my stance , whatever! It’s mine and I don’t need anyone telling me anything about it except, “You look nice.” where I humbly reply, “Thank you.” and go about my business. I always look nice in my opinion even on the days where I’m not that satisfied with my outfit because I remind myself, when I got dressed today, thats how i felt and somewhere between then and now I changed.
What really grinds my gears is when people try to define me based on what I wear. Whether its my religious views or sexuality, someway somehow people identify what I have on with something. Since when did clothing classify me or anyone? How masculine I am? How I was raised? Who I sleep with? First and foremost, thats no ones business but God and I. Secondly, let me be. Please and thank you.
Shirt- H&M $17.99
Pants- Levis 512 $69.50
Shoes- Gucci Horsebit Slipper $650
We all like to be comfortable, it feels good to be comfortable. A familiar place, a place that registers with your mind, your soul. We stay in our comfort zones and ignore what is really happening around us and within us. We ignore the tell-tell signs that our comfort zones are actually a distraction. We aren’t paying attention to the signs that are around us telling us to leave our comfort zones or whatever is making us comfortable. Being uncomfortable sometimes is what we need sometimes. We need to be in a place where not only are we not familiar but where we don’t know what to do. We rely on every unction and we are so in tuned with that voice in our heads that we end up learning so much from that uncomfortable, unfamiliar place. It is in that same uncomfortable place where we grow. The trials and tribulations that came forth in that time has prepared us for what is next. What is to come. Our destiny. We sometimes get so lost in the world and all that is going on that we just try to figure things out on our own when sometimes all we need to do Is put our neck out there and let life have at it. It’s okay to fail in these times and it’s okay to fall but remember everything has a purpose. Learn from the failure and learn from that fall so your next fall wont hurt as bad and the fall after that would only be a trip and then after that we stand tall as a tree-20 foot tall.
I have been in so many comfortable situations that have not been healthy to my growth and I Have witnessed so many people stay in a place where they aren’t even happy but that’s all they know or that’s all they can see themselves at. But there’s so much more in the world. We have to stop being blinded by stuff and things and people and places that aren’t really the best things for us. Let it go. Move on. It’s scary I know but do it. Do it for your well being and do it for those watching you.
I leave you all with this, my grandfather said something one time that stayed with me forever. He is a man of few words but he once said something along the lines of, I die everyday( can’t remember exactly what he said to be honest but I remember what it meant). Everyday we have a choice to lay down another burden, to turn a new leaf, to learn something new. The person I was yesterday will not be the person I am today hence, I die everyday. Everyday take a step out your comfort zone. Everyday work on bettering yourself, your community and those in it.
There has been so much on my mind that I’m having a hard time articulating. I’m having the worst case of writers block like ever. I know what I want to say but when it’s time for me to write it out I just get stumped and get to a point where I’m lost for words. I’ve been here many times before but this time I feel defeated. I feel that my writers block has gotten the best of me. I feel like my pen is running out of ink. It’s like what else can I say in regards to black people and why black People are so great in every aspect? Why do I still have to stress black lives matter? Why are so many women being mistreated and no one is saying about it? What new trend is even a new trend anymore? I’m at a lost and I feel like my pen is running out of ink.There’s hope though. There’s hope in those frantic scribbles that you do when your pen is dying out on you. You know that there is something left and you keep scribbling until finally something comes out. There’s ink! I’m scribbling and scribbling in hopes that something comes out. Something worth reading, something worth discussing. I’m at a point of beast mode. A can’t stop won’t stop type of thing. I just can’t stop now and that’s in regards to everything. Not just Designer Beanz but life. I wake up near tears some days (today being one of those days) because…i don’t know. But there’s that little teaspoon of hope in me that’s like DAMMIT DARRIUS! Go be great! That little bit of hope is all I have left I feel. It’s the only thing keeping me here and I’m so thankful for that little bit of hope.
So it looks like my pen still has ink and it looks like hope won again. I say all this to say, be great Beany Babies. Just be fucking great! It’s hard sometimes. The current state of this country is hard to take in sometimes , our lives get out of order but go be fucking great. Keep scribbling those pens and keep breaking the barriers that were set up for your demise. Go. Be. Great.