December 1,2017

I’m shedding. Shedding away. Day by day, step by step. The things that once were are no longer. I show gratitude to today for allowing me to enjoy it. I show gratitude to those who came before me that prayed for me to be here, moving and breathing. I show gratitude to the universe for keeping me grounded no matter what wind blows my way I stay, grounded. I show gratitude to God for being God and breathing breath into me every second of my days and for allowing me to embark this journey of daily newness. I’m grateful.

Stepping away and focusing on me was truly what I needed. There’s so many things that I had to leave in order to return to myself. Those things that kept me from my happiness. I found that being who I am is the only thing in this world that is worth fighting for. I have been given the tools in order to be the best and it’s up to me to use these tools. I’m grateful for everything and everyone that I have enjoyed on this journey because even when I didn’t see it, I learned so much. Every experience, had a lesson. Every loss, was a win. Every gain, was another reason to be grateful. I’m ever changing, shape shifting at its finest. And I now know I am exactly where I’m supposed to be today. I’m not sure how I got here but I know, whatever is happening now is supposed to be happening now. I will continue to learn and continue to grow. Thank God for Change, thank God for space, thank God for growth. Thank God.

Beanz Out.

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October 13, 2017

Sometimes I let my mind roam and explore and take me places that allow me to think deeper. I was riding home from work and I was listening to I Wanna Be Like You by Ibeyi. I was listening to the lyrics and the power in these women’s voice and I was captivated instantly. I started to listen deeper to get a better understanding of what the song was about. I started to think about the complex of age and how when we’re younger we wish to be older and when we’re older we wish we were younger. I realize how unappreciative we are as humans naturally. We are never content with what we are given. The innocence and freeness of a child is something I wish I still had. The joy of a child that I didn’t think to embrace and hold onto as long as I could have when I was younger. It’s deeper than just not having any bills or no responsibilities. It’s the freeness I miss most. Little person in a big world of unknowns without any sort of presumptions or knowing of what is coming next. Your mind can’t even process what is next in a lot of situations. As an adult, we base what we do next based off a prior experience. Doesn’t matter how optimistic we may seem there’s a sense of pessimism in us when it comes to certain situations due to a prior experience and there’s nothing wrong with that. But imagine if we lived our lives like adult sized kids who just were full of questions and unknowns and we didn’t let these unknowns scare us we kind of just went with them and moved forward accordingly. Imagine us taking in the wisdom and seeing the light and positivity in all things and embraced the wisdom that is being brought forth from whatever situation at hand. We need to learn to let go more. Just let it go. We’ve been holding on to these presumptions and ideas and ideologies for way to long and it’s holding us up from our next step. We have to break away from our own insecurities and fears and understand they will always be an insecurity and a fear but those insecurities and fears can’t hold us back from experiencing life and practicing our human right to mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally evolve. We must protect our energy, secure our happiness and love from our hearts. We must start love with ourselves and get back to that kid who was in the unknown who allowed life to teach them what they need to grow into their destiny. Sometimes I let my mind roam and explore and take me places that allow me to think deeper…

This is a Style Blog right ?

This is where I come to say whatever I want. This is my outlet, my way of expressing myself, giving myself to others. And that includes my outfits. So here we are…a look. 

I’ve been trying to incorporate more color into my wardrobe and I must say it’s been fun. Every few months I try different looks and see how they work for me. I’ve been trying to get away from the edgy, oversized, I might do drugs in an alley look and go into a more edgy yet clean line, if I do drugs it’s designer drugs and in the comfort of my home so no one knows, look. And it’s been working for me. (No I don’t do drugs mom relax !) 

The hardest thing for me has been like getting up and thinking, what do I wear? I’m used to going in closet grabbing a top(black) a pair of pants(black) and my shoes. The hardest part used to be what shoes to wear. Now it’s, what the hell do I wear? But I’ll get used to this. 

Shirt: ASOS

Jacket: Zara

Pants: H&M

Shoes: Comme des Garcons 

July 1, 2017

I’ve been having a hard time reconnecting with myself. I have been so caught up in the hoopla that I feel like I wasn’t being me.Unfortunately, I was giving to much of my energy to the wrong things and people which caused me to lose myself for a while. I couldn’t articulate my thoughts, I couldn’t process things correctly. Then on top of that, summer school decided to turn up on me out of no where. So there I was, stuck and tired. Stuck in a place that I wasn’t familiar with and couldnt tell you how I got there. I just knew this place wasn’t allowing me to be myself. Earlier this week I told myself, I’m letting it go. I didn’t know what it was but I woke up and said, I’m letting this go. And I did. I realized that the reason why I was in this place of being stuck and tired is because I chose to stay there. I was choosing to stay in this place that kept me from being myself,kept me from opening up, kept me down. And the reason why I stayed there is because something in me felt safe there. “They can’t find me here” I told myself out of fear of being myself. I had given myself, my energy, my greatness to so many people who didnt deserve it, waste of time. People who were the result of “wyd” text and thoughts of boredom. My energy was off. My equilibrium was off. I was off. So I put myself in this place where I was drained and tired and I rested there. But I had to get out. I couldn’t let a few fuck ups get me out of whack. 

I woke up today July 1,2017 with new energy, new thoughts, newness. Everything in my life is new. I have new people in my life occupying my time and we’re good. I have new struggles I haven’t dealt with before, but I will handle them. I have new goals and I can’t achieve those goals in that unfamiliar place of replenishment that kept me away from me. I’m here, I’m back and I’m happy to be here. Happy to be back in the now. Protect your energy, your body, your heart, your soul. Take that time you need to unplug but don’t forget to plug back in and be great. 
-Beanz Out

Friday, June 16, 2017

Let’s get into this jacket ladies and gentleman. Let’s talk about this crazy deal I stumbled upon while riding around Atlanta and my friend randomly wanting to stop at Urban Outifitters. Now I have a rule about shopping at Urban Outiftters, if it isn’t on sale, PUT IT BACK! Literally, the majority of that stuff you can find at a thrift store, or on some hipster’s Etsy account. Where’s the lie? However, I don’t have time to search thrift stores and online shopping is a hassle so I just wait until Urban is having a sale. I could always wait on clothes. But that’s the problem, I always tell myself I could wait on clothes and end up with shoes for days with nothing to wear. So, I’ve been shopping. Reinventing my look (again). Trying to incorporate a little more color to my wardrobe. The sad part is someway, somehow I always result to buying something black or olive green or grey, those are like my go to colors. However, I saw this jacket and I had to have it. The site says $29.99 but I definitely paid $20. (Urban is weird like that) 

I’ve been neglecting my denim. These are my favorite Joe’s jeans that I bought three years ago. I have ripped these jeans more times than I can count but I love them so I just get them patched up. I have a jeans about designer jeans and that’s just buy one pair a year. They’re supposed to last like forever so you don’t need to spend all your money on a pair everytime you go shopping. I have bought some cheap little H&M jeans and some BDG as well but their exactly that, cheap little jeans that if I wash and dry probably won’t fit the same. 

I enjoyed this look. Felt great to wear. Got a lot of compliments and that jacket will be a staple in my wardrobe that will transition well into any season.