01:30:2018

I’ve been having a hard time processing information lately. For some reason I feel as if I’m not getting the whole truth in things. Im discerning on another level that makes me question “is there more to this ?” What eventually happens is I end up on this quest for an answer that sits well with me. I dig for the answers that resinates with my spirit but even then I’m still left with the question “is there more to this?” Someone explained to me that this is all apart of the “awakening process” but I’m like, when did I sign up for this ?

Literally, internally I’m at peace with a lot of things and I find myself flowing a lot more fluidly these days and even when I’m on these mini quest of truth I’m still at peace. I’m not racing and pacing all over the place, I’m not freaking out, not losing out on sleep or anything. But it’s not always roses and cotton candy, sometimes I literally feel like I’m losing my shit. When something else is revealed to me I can’t just accept it, I have to process it. During that process I’m like “well why is it that at one point this was said? And am I the only one who sees this happening ?” It’s weird, it’s fun, it’s annoying.

All in all , this is my life. This is my journey. Everything has a purpose and I have given up on trying to figure out what the purpose is, everything will reveal itself in due time. The deeper I dig within myself, the more gold I will find. The more truth I operate in, the more love I will give out. I’m on this journey , no I didn’t sign up for it but someone or something knew this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Beanz Out

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December 1,2017

I’m shedding. Shedding away. Day by day, step by step. The things that once were are no longer. I show gratitude to today for allowing me to enjoy it. I show gratitude to those who came before me that prayed for me to be here, moving and breathing. I show gratitude to the universe for keeping me grounded no matter what wind blows my way I stay, grounded. I show gratitude to God for being God and breathing breath into me every second of my days and for allowing me to embark this journey of daily newness. I’m grateful.

Stepping away and focusing on me was truly what I needed. There’s so many things that I had to leave in order to return to myself. Those things that kept me from my happiness. I found that being who I am is the only thing in this world that is worth fighting for. I have been given the tools in order to be the best and it’s up to me to use these tools. I’m grateful for everything and everyone that I have enjoyed on this journey because even when I didn’t see it, I learned so much. Every experience, had a lesson. Every loss, was a win. Every gain, was another reason to be grateful. I’m ever changing, shape shifting at its finest. And I now know I am exactly where I’m supposed to be today. I’m not sure how I got here but I know, whatever is happening now is supposed to be happening now. I will continue to learn and continue to grow. Thank God for Change, thank God for space, thank God for growth. Thank God.

Beanz Out.

July 1, 2017

I’ve been having a hard time reconnecting with myself. I have been so caught up in the hoopla that I feel like I wasn’t being me.Unfortunately, I was giving to much of my energy to the wrong things and people which caused me to lose myself for a while. I couldn’t articulate my thoughts, I couldn’t process things correctly. Then on top of that, summer school decided to turn up on me out of no where. So there I was, stuck and tired. Stuck in a place that I wasn’t familiar with and couldnt tell you how I got there. I just knew this place wasn’t allowing me to be myself. Earlier this week I told myself, I’m letting it go. I didn’t know what it was but I woke up and said, I’m letting this go. And I did. I realized that the reason why I was in this place of being stuck and tired is because I chose to stay there. I was choosing to stay in this place that kept me from being myself,kept me from opening up, kept me down. And the reason why I stayed there is because something in me felt safe there. “They can’t find me here” I told myself out of fear of being myself. I had given myself, my energy, my greatness to so many people who didnt deserve it, waste of time. People who were the result of “wyd” text and thoughts of boredom. My energy was off. My equilibrium was off. I was off. So I put myself in this place where I was drained and tired and I rested there. But I had to get out. I couldn’t let a few fuck ups get me out of whack. 

I woke up today July 1,2017 with new energy, new thoughts, newness. Everything in my life is new. I have new people in my life occupying my time and we’re good. I have new struggles I haven’t dealt with before, but I will handle them. I have new goals and I can’t achieve those goals in that unfamiliar place of replenishment that kept me away from me. I’m here, I’m back and I’m happy to be here. Happy to be back in the now. Protect your energy, your body, your heart, your soul. Take that time you need to unplug but don’t forget to plug back in and be great. 
-Beanz Out

Friday, June 16, 2017

Let’s get into this jacket ladies and gentleman. Let’s talk about this crazy deal I stumbled upon while riding around Atlanta and my friend randomly wanting to stop at Urban Outifitters. Now I have a rule about shopping at Urban Outiftters, if it isn’t on sale, PUT IT BACK! Literally, the majority of that stuff you can find at a thrift store, or on some hipster’s Etsy account. Where’s the lie? However, I don’t have time to search thrift stores and online shopping is a hassle so I just wait until Urban is having a sale. I could always wait on clothes. But that’s the problem, I always tell myself I could wait on clothes and end up with shoes for days with nothing to wear. So, I’ve been shopping. Reinventing my look (again). Trying to incorporate a little more color to my wardrobe. The sad part is someway, somehow I always result to buying something black or olive green or grey, those are like my go to colors. However, I saw this jacket and I had to have it. The site says $29.99 but I definitely paid $20. (Urban is weird like that) 

I’ve been neglecting my denim. These are my favorite Joe’s jeans that I bought three years ago. I have ripped these jeans more times than I can count but I love them so I just get them patched up. I have a jeans about designer jeans and that’s just buy one pair a year. They’re supposed to last like forever so you don’t need to spend all your money on a pair everytime you go shopping. I have bought some cheap little H&M jeans and some BDG as well but their exactly that, cheap little jeans that if I wash and dry probably won’t fit the same. 

I enjoyed this look. Felt great to wear. Got a lot of compliments and that jacket will be a staple in my wardrobe that will transition well into any season. 

A Minimal Post

I’ve been practicing the art of letting go. I have allowed myself time to evaluate the things in my life. Those things could be people or actual physical things. I evaluated the people in my life and had to figure out why they are in my life and what they adding to my life and what do I THINK I add to their life. After evaluating people I am left with being alone a lot of times. I figured out some people are just taking up space and not doing much, some were even cancers to my life or I was a cancer in theirs. We weren’t good for each other, and that’s good to acknowledge because then you are allowed to look at yourself and evaluate yourself.

Earlier I mentioned the fact that I often find myself alone. I enjoy being alone. People tend to get confused with being alone and lonely, and let’s be clear- I’m not lonely. Lonely is an emotion, feeling left out or abandoned. Alone is just being by yourself and I often enjoy being alone. When I’m alone I tend to really look at myself and pay attention to my thoughts and feelings. And I don’t think we as people don’t put enough energy into inwardly self. We think alone time is let me get a massage or let me go get a haircut but sometimes we need to actually focus on a feeling that we’ve been carrying around. Focusing your energy is so important.

Ive been getting rid of things in my life and it has allowed to me to refocus my energy when it’s needed. I’m learning how to evaluate everything in my life and what it adds or takes away from me. All of this is due to my fasciation with minimalism and my journey of minimizing my life. Originally, I was just attracted to the aesthetics of minimal living. The simple wardrobe, the simple yet chic living environment. As I continued to look more into it I realized what it was really about. Detaching yourself from things and really becoming aware of who you are as an individual and not putting so much emphasize on what you have you externally but who you are internally.

So I have these bracelets I always wear. One is bronze and the other one was copper. I had a customer come in, sweet older lady. She saw my bracelet and wanted it. She even was willing to pay for it. Initially I said no like these bracelets are apart of my aesthetics. But she wanted the bracelet for her arthritis(copper is good for arthritis). So I was still helping her and in the midst I got quiet. I was having an internal conversation with God consulting on what should I do. After some consulting I gave her bracelet. One, I only had the bracelet for the looks of it  and she needed it for arthritis(wants vs. needs). Secondly, it’s just a bracelet, I could simply get another one. When you put good into the world and think about the needs of others, good comes back to you. And that’s exactly what happened. Same lady came back the next day to give me a new bracelet, this one silver. I will forever be grateful and I will always remember her and that’s what life is about. Meeting people, exchanging good vibes and good words.

Originally when I started minimizing my life I thought I just had to throw everything away and start fresh but I learned that, that’s not the way to go. When we throw things away we only end up buying more stuff that we think we need. I found this blog that gave me a few pointers on how to begin my journey. I have removed a lot of things from my life and I started to focus more on who I was as a human, as a man, as a black man living in the now. One thing I have a huge attachment to is my shoes. I just love shoes and I like talking about them, looking at them, wearing them, I just love shoes. I have more shoes than the average man and that is perfectly fine. After watching ‘Minimalism: A Documentary about Important Things’ I realized, its okay to have my shoes. My fascination with shoes allows me to meet other people. I couldn’t tell you how many relationships I have in my life that started due to shoes. From clients at work to random people on the train. That film taught me, its ok to have things but realize why you have those things but don’t let those things define you, be true to who you are.

I continue to minimize my life I will continue to share my journey with people and hopefully inspire others. Thats what this blog is about, inspiring others, helping others ad exchanging ideas. Thats why I’m here, dressing well & talking shit.

Beanz Out