This is a Style Blog right ?

This is where I come to say whatever I want. This is my outlet, my way of expressing myself, giving myself to others. And that includes my outfits. So here we are…a look. 

I’ve been trying to incorporate more color into my wardrobe and I must say it’s been fun. Every few months I try different looks and see how they work for me. I’ve been trying to get away from the edgy, oversized, I might do drugs in an alley look and go into a more edgy yet clean line, if I do drugs it’s designer drugs and in the comfort of my home so no one knows, look. And it’s been working for me. (No I don’t do drugs mom relax !) 

The hardest thing for me has been like getting up and thinking, what do I wear? I’m used to going in closet grabbing a top(black) a pair of pants(black) and my shoes. The hardest part used to be what shoes to wear. Now it’s, what the hell do I wear? But I’ll get used to this. 

Shirt: ASOS

Jacket: Zara

Pants: H&M

Shoes: Comme des Garcons 

Thank God I Found the Good in Good-Bye

There’s so much pressure about finding the one, and finding someone who is for you. Sometimes, we find ourselves looking for the qualities that we think we want in someone. We’re so aware of those qualities and sometimes we block good people out of our lives because they have qualities we may or may not like. How do we really know what someone else needs to possess in order for us to feel “complete”? How do we know that person is the one and not just the one for right now? Do we even need the one? Can I just have a few and enjoy their company in a non intimate way? Why can’t I just enjoy myself? Maybe I’m not meant to find the one, maybe I am the one.
I have had a fair amount of relationships and I have found that, people are annoying. Doesn’t matter their gender,race,lifestyle, whatever, something about dating makes people ten times more annoying. Including myself. There are things that I can’t control, like my constant urge to cuddle all day and eat in bed. I can’t control that, it takes over my body and there’s nothing I can do. But no seriously, I had to analyze my situations(current and past) and think what was it that kept me there? And what I found was, it was the illusion of happiness. I say illusion because I was going through my own internal battles, my own demons that I didn’t and still don’t want to deal with. So, in order for me to be okay I would find happiness in others. And because happiness feels good, I stayed where it felt good.
Now I remember at some point of my early college career, I stopped dating. I just stopped. Cut all communication with people, wasn’t flirting with anyone, I just was like no. And it was in this time where I learned so much about myself. I was able to deal with some(definitely not all) of those demons that I carried around. I soul searched everyday, I dug deep into my heart and looked deep into my reflection to figure out and get a better understanding of who I was. I found a lot of ugly within but I found so much good. And I was happy with both because I found it, I acknowledged it, I took on the task of healing the internal wounds everyday on this journey of life.

I got back into dating because I stared feeling the pressure. “I have to find someone” I told myself. “Everyone needs someone” what others told me. So dammit, I got back out there and started dating. I met some really grand individuals who taught me a lot and we shared some great times but, at the end of it all, I found myself losing myself. I had to step back for a second because dating, schooling, working and adulting takes a lot of fucking energy. I mean golly! I was drained 98% of the time. Yes I was having fun but I was doing to much for nothing because news flash , I’m still single!

I have somewhat accepted that maybe I’m just meant to be alone. Maybe the one I’ve been looking for is within. I have to fully search within myself and let God and life heal the things in me so that I can fully love myself and be fine with it. There’s a lot of love that one can find in themselves where they won’t need any other validation from anyone else or anything else. Loving yourself isn’t a crime and being alone is a good thing, it’s a peace that I remember having that I want back. I want to get back in good graces with my surroundings and myself. So enjoy these single moments and let these moments matter. I can’t emphasize enough how important self care/love is. Now, if someone decides to come along and not be playing games, has great communication skills and is willing to make things work between one another, don’t shoot it down because you’re so indulged with yourself. Maybe the love you have found in yourself is what that other person needs to help them. You don’t know how what you’ve been through may help someone else.

So cheers to the good in goodbye, the love that we harbor within to share with others in your community and around the world. Love yourself, love one another. Be a light not only for one person but be a light that shines across seas.

Beanz Out

July 1, 2017

I’ve been having a hard time reconnecting with myself. I have been so caught up in the hoopla that I feel like I wasn’t being me.Unfortunately, I was giving to much of my energy to the wrong things and people which caused me to lose myself for a while. I couldn’t articulate my thoughts, I couldn’t process things correctly. Then on top of that, summer school decided to turn up on me out of no where. So there I was, stuck and tired. Stuck in a place that I wasn’t familiar with and couldnt tell you how I got there. I just knew this place wasn’t allowing me to be myself. Earlier this week I told myself, I’m letting it go. I didn’t know what it was but I woke up and said, I’m letting this go. And I did. I realized that the reason why I was in this place of being stuck and tired is because I chose to stay there. I was choosing to stay in this place that kept me from being myself,kept me from opening up, kept me down. And the reason why I stayed there is because something in me felt safe there. “They can’t find me here” I told myself out of fear of being myself. I had given myself, my energy, my greatness to so many people who didnt deserve it, waste of time. People who were the result of “wyd” text and thoughts of boredom. My energy was off. My equilibrium was off. I was off. So I put myself in this place where I was drained and tired and I rested there. But I had to get out. I couldn’t let a few fuck ups get me out of whack. 

I woke up today July 1,2017 with new energy, new thoughts, newness. Everything in my life is new. I have new people in my life occupying my time and we’re good. I have new struggles I haven’t dealt with before, but I will handle them. I have new goals and I can’t achieve those goals in that unfamiliar place of replenishment that kept me away from me. I’m here, I’m back and I’m happy to be here. Happy to be back in the now. Protect your energy, your body, your heart, your soul. Take that time you need to unplug but don’t forget to plug back in and be great. 
-Beanz Out

Friday, June 16, 2017

Let’s get into this jacket ladies and gentleman. Let’s talk about this crazy deal I stumbled upon while riding around Atlanta and my friend randomly wanting to stop at Urban Outifitters. Now I have a rule about shopping at Urban Outiftters, if it isn’t on sale, PUT IT BACK! Literally, the majority of that stuff you can find at a thrift store, or on some hipster’s Etsy account. Where’s the lie? However, I don’t have time to search thrift stores and online shopping is a hassle so I just wait until Urban is having a sale. I could always wait on clothes. But that’s the problem, I always tell myself I could wait on clothes and end up with shoes for days with nothing to wear. So, I’ve been shopping. Reinventing my look (again). Trying to incorporate a little more color to my wardrobe. The sad part is someway, somehow I always result to buying something black or olive green or grey, those are like my go to colors. However, I saw this jacket and I had to have it. The site says $29.99 but I definitely paid $20. (Urban is weird like that) 

I’ve been neglecting my denim. These are my favorite Joe’s jeans that I bought three years ago. I have ripped these jeans more times than I can count but I love them so I just get them patched up. I have a jeans about designer jeans and that’s just buy one pair a year. They’re supposed to last like forever so you don’t need to spend all your money on a pair everytime you go shopping. I have bought some cheap little H&M jeans and some BDG as well but their exactly that, cheap little jeans that if I wash and dry probably won’t fit the same. 

I enjoyed this look. Felt great to wear. Got a lot of compliments and that jacket will be a staple in my wardrobe that will transition well into any season. 

Dear Black America

As you can see, people still don’t view us as humans. We are publicly humiliated and mutilated. They portray us as thugs, single moms, idiots, monkeys, terrorist. Even though we have have proved on numerous occasions that we are so much more than that. We are human beings and we deserve to be treated as such. Last summer, we witnessed several cases of black people’s lives being taken because some coward with a gun thought it would be cool to take someones life away because he or she was scared. We’re a threat because of our skin color and thats not okay. Our tax dollars have paid for these dash cams and body cams and we tune into Facebook Live feeds where we have witnessed one of our own’s life being taken for reaching for his wallet. Philando Castile’s life was taken last summer along with others and yet again, another cop gets set free while Castile is six feet under and his family is left without any justice in this injustice system. I have said it once before and I’ll say it again, I’m tired. Yet, I am not too tired not to fight for justice and equality for all people. I will continue to stand and fight on the behalf of all black people and people of color and everyone who is being treated as second and third class citizens in this country that our ancestors had built and fought for.

Stay together, unite as one. Summer time is open season to these gun crazy, scared, weak, disrespectful cops and I don’t have the proper shoes to march and stomp this summer. Be alert! Stay alert! Stay positive! Turn that anger over and start figuring some shit out. We have to stick together and realize that this system was not made for us to succeed and its also not made for us to bow down to. However, it is made for us to stand the fuck up. Rise to the occasion and realize that no matter what our role is in this revolution, we are apart of this revolution and in order to make changes we need you to be well and alive. Have fun this summer, dance hard to keep the vibrations high but do not become another hash tag. Fight the right fight, make the right change, be the change. I am here as Darrius Newton, Beanz, the owner of this blog, and I will stand with you and we will get through all of this together. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and we will celebrate at the end together but do not give these idiots a reason to take another life. I’m not even sure how that works anymore because even when you follow “the rules” you’re still at risk BUT do not grow weary. Pray together, stay together.

LOVE YOU.