There has been so much on my mind that I’m having a hard time articulating. I’m having the worst case of writers block like ever. I know what I want to say but when it’s time for me to write it out I just get stumped and get to a point where I’m lost for words. I’ve been here many times before but this time I feel defeated. I feel that my writers block has gotten the best of me. I feel like my pen is running out of ink. It’s like what else can I say in regards to black people and why black People are so great in every aspect? Why do I still have to stress black lives matter? Why are so many women being mistreated and no one is saying about it? What new trend is even a new trend anymore? I’m at a lost and I feel like my pen is running out of ink.There’s hope though. There’s hope in those frantic scribbles that you do when your pen is dying out on you. You know that there is something left and you keep scribbling until finally something comes out. There’s ink! I’m scribbling and scribbling in hopes that something comes out. Something worth reading, something worth discussing. I’m at a point of beast mode. A can’t stop won’t stop type of thing. I just can’t stop now and that’s in regards to everything. Not just Designer Beanz but life. I wake up near tears some days (today being one of those days) because…i don’t know. But there’s that little teaspoon of hope in me that’s like DAMMIT DARRIUS! Go be great! That little bit of hope is all I have left I feel. It’s the only thing keeping me here and I’m so thankful for that little bit of hope.
So it looks like my pen still has ink and it looks like hope won again. I say all this to say, be great Beany Babies. Just be fucking great! It’s hard sometimes. The current state of this country is hard to take in sometimes , our lives get out of order but go be fucking great. Keep scribbling those pens and keep breaking the barriers that were set up for your demise. Go. Be. Great.
It has come to my attention that the new “trend” in men’s fashion is the ‘Romper’. Basically, a jumpsuit. Basically, an adult onesie that you could wear outside the house. This trend has sparked a lot of people’s attention and I have decided to weigh in on it a little bit.
First and foremost, this trend is not new. Overalls, jumpsuits, short jumpsuits and everything in between have been a thing for years. It’s been seen on runways by major designers and it has been apart of almost every major music scene for decades across almost all genres. Every one of us have owned a version of the romper since birth(the onesie). So why all of a sudden is it causing a rawr? I’m not sure. What I’m also not sure of is, who the fuck said fashion trends had a specific gender? Why can’t a man wear a short jumpsuit without his sexuality being in jeopardy? Who ever deemed a trend only for a woman or for a man? And if you’re such a man ,why the hell are you so hyper aware of your sexuality all the time and what people think of it? Clothes do not define who you are and what you like, its fashion. Its made to make you feel comfortable not other people. Lets dig deeper.
Whats really sick is that, its all good when these trends are “white-only”. No one is questioning the white man whose shorts barely cover his ass, no one questions the white man who wears sandals, BUT as soon as a man of color wears these “trends” he’s gay. Help me understand this. I repeat, ITS FASHION! There is no sexuality, gender or anything attached to fashion, if you like it, do what the fuck you do and don’t let anyone tell you anything different. Secondly, its sick that we live in a world where our fashion choices determine how we are viewed by society. This whole masculine, feminine bullshit is absolutely absurd. We have men walking around here suppressing their true feelings because they are scared to express themselves because of the threat of his masculinity. FYI bro, if you are comfortable with yourself and what you like you should not give two fucks about what someone else thinks or says. Be true to you and free your mind from society’s standard of what a man is. We have women walking around here being silent because she’s afraid to accidentally hurt these VERY emotional men’s feelings and she is taught to “stay in a woman’s place” FUCK-ALL-DAT! A woman’s place is the same place as a man, and there is NOTHING more attractive than a woman who defends herself and can hold down herself. FYI SIS, YOU FUCKING ROCK ON YOUR OWN, SPEAK UP!
Back to the subject at hand, this trend is NOT new and it SHOULD NOT be belittled because its a great look. It’s fun, its simple and oh my goodness its so comfortable. Using the bathroom could get a little tricky but oh well. A man’s pant length should not determine his life and why do men’s knees make you so uncomfortable anyway? Any trend that attracts you, go for it. Go for it. Yes you can pull it off, yes it is for you and don’t let anyone tell you anything different. I will continue wearing my “rompers” or jumpsuits or whatever we want to call them, #issalook and its great in my eyes.
There’s peace in my denim. I barely never have to iron it, it’s always there for me to throw on last minute and it could be dressed up or down. I’m always emphasizing my love for denim and how great it is because it really just is. In the midst of finals, a week and a half old twist out and numerous panic attacks , denim was still there for me.
Thank you denim for always being there when all of my other clothes either needed to be washed or ironed. I will forever be a Canadian Suit wearing black man and that won’t change. Cheers, to denim!
Jeans- AG Jeans
There’s always certain designers who capture my attention. Whether it’s for a new trend or some crazy comment made like ” I didn’t make my clothes for black people” , my attention is always captured. As of recent there has been one designer that has all my attention and a lot of my money. (Don’t judge my spending habits). Gucci. Gucci. Gucci. From Beyoncé to every fashionista(o) , Gucci is being worn FLAWLESSLY.
For a while I was sleep on Gucci, I just wasn’t into it. I understood that it’s a classic and yattayattayatta but I just wasn’t with it. Then the Princeton happened. The mule with the fur. I cried when I saw that shoe. There was so many emotions running through my head when I saw that damn shoe. It was like why would they do that? Why don’t I own these ? How could I afford these? Ever since, Gucci has been on my mind. I appreciate the brand for many reasons, they never lost themselves. They keep it classic with a tablespoon on gaudy which is just the right amount of gaudy anyone needs. The pattern play is mind blowing, the fabric quality is superb, everything is just like perfect. They make things where it’s like why the hell would anyone wear that? But that shoe or that bag or whatever is stuck on your mind for days and eventually you fall in love with it. Well that’s what happened to me at least. I could not understand why I was so fascinated with the collection as a whole. Then it came to me. Nostalgia. I come from a very fashionable family. I remember growing up looking at my parents clothes and even my grandmother and just being amazed with how they pieced things together and how awesome they looked. This admiration helped me develop my own style but I would always say, when I get older I’m going to dress like them. Stylish, fun, cool whatever the adjective was, I was going to do it. Now, here comes Gucci bringing back the old trends I grew up admiring and just couldn’t do because duh, I was a child. Now I’m a big boy and could wear these things so it’s just like, YES! Give it to me! Take ALL my money ( stop judging me).
Gucci understands the time we are in. One fuck up an the brand could be tarnished. As of recent Gucci has added some black magic into it’s advertisements. Big afros and POPPING melanin has taken over Gucci ads and runways. This is very important because as we all know that in black communities, these trends have been trending since the beginning of times and finally, we can identify with a designer who gets it. Fashion is one of the best rebellions there is. It’s safe but it causes a lot of noise. To display people of color looking flawless in their natural state dripping in thousands of dollars will piss some racist off somewhere. The last thing a racist wants to see is people of color doing better than them and being happy about it. The Gucci ads are full of black girl magic and black boy joy and it’s a great thing to see. Black people have always flocked to Gucci since forever but to identify with the brand makes us feel a little bit better about out $600 loafers (I feel the judgment again).
Let me just say this, I’m still a college student so I’m not in Gucci everyday spending all my money. I’m on a ramen noodle budget but every now and then I find money somewhere to enjoy the luxuries that happen to come in designer form( Hello, my blog name is Designer Beanz). Please don’t read this and think “fuck rent lemme go ball out in the Gucci store” NO! Save your damn money and work for those loafers you want, they’ll be there a month or two from now, its ok! Treat yourself when your pockets allow it, and Gucci thank you for showcasing black people and people of color in a way that makes us proud to be who we are.
This is my ode to twenty-one. The year of a lot of alcohol, a lot of why the fuck and what the fuck and lessons. I learned a lot this past year, I over analyzed every situation to figure out is this for me? Is this what I really want? I asked so many questions at twenty-one and I got so many answers. I want to thank everyone who allowed me to just be twenty-one and enjoy whatever it had for me. Allowing me to figure out who I even was and what was right for me in the moment. Thank you.
21 things that twenty-one taught me
- This is who I am. There are many things about ourselves that we wish we could change and we wish we didn’t do and blah blah blah but, I remember at some point I just said shit, I’m tired! I’m tired of what I’m supposed to be, or what I’m supposed to do. That’s not me! I eventually had to look at all my ugly and my filth and say, this is me dammit! I can’t change that thing right now but that’s who I am at this moment. But I have life which allows me to change as it goes. I need this part of me right now to get me to the next stage of my life and for that I’m okay with me. I want to go to that next stage and I can’t if I’m continuously comparing what I am and what I’m supposed to be. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be so I’m going to let life figure that out for me. In the meantime I’m going to pray for better days, keeps my vibrations high and check them when they are low. I will do well for myself to do well unto others. The things that I can’t stand will turn into the things that I love because they make me who I am. And I to recognize I will not be here forever, life changes and I change. I am me.
- Vegan is not for me. I love cheese and I love bread! I just can’t let it go, I tried but no I can’t! I literally put cheese on everything and if there is a biscuit incorporated in my meal I’m the happiest man alive. When I was off dairy, yes I felt amazing. There were no headaches, energy was up and all that which is why I watch my cheese(dairy) intake but I have not deleted diary completely out my diet. One day maybe but right now, extra cheese on my burrito please !
- I’ve had enough of Atlanta. I’m ready to move! Okay, hear me out. I love the city of Atlanta, beautiful city, lots of cool people and places. But has anyone been watching the news lately? Atlanta is falling apart and I don’t have time for it. Like what the hell is actually going on? Sinkholes? Really? Is this really happening? Traffic is a bitch and a half and the train is over capacity at this point(as I write this on the train). Atlanta was not made for all these people and there is a new damn condo being built every time I blink my eye. Atlanta is my new home but I have to relocate while they fix their life.
- The concept of, there’s a reason for that. I question everything literally I think my most used word besides whatever is why. I ask why so much I even question my motives. Why did I do that ? Why do I think that way? I asked myself why so much I started doubting myself and that’s a no,no. Once you start doubting yourself you literally will stop yourself from doing what you really want to do. Or you stop yourself from fulfilling your full potential. So I just did what I knew best, go with the flow. I let control go. I just made sure I was in the right place mentally, physically and emotionally and I just went with the flow. I thought I had everything planned out but my ancestors apparently spoke with God before I did and had everything already planned out. Every door that closed allowed me to find a path to another door, a bigger and brighter door. The journey might have been a struggle but I’m still alive to talk about and I’m ok with that. I will never forget what my pastor told me “Time flys by when you’re having fun!” And let me tell you something Beany Babies, when you let go on control, life is an adventure park.
- Being black is grand.We already knew that but, I just felt like this was an appropriate time to remind you of how lit being black is. Don’t believe me? Read the previous post(s) before this one, black is great. That’s all.
- Sometimes, its best to not walk away but face it and deal with it. Things get hard and you want to quit and just throw in the towel especially if you don’t see the benefit of what you are doing. But let’s change the way we think. You could learn from those hard moments, that’s where growth happens. Think about a flower, before it blooms it has to break through the shell of the seed then it has to push through soil and rocks and all the other critters in the soil. Then the flower gets tired and loses energy but boom! Here comes some water and it’s ready to go again and it’s back pushing and striving to make it to the top to live out its full potential. Time goes by, after pushing and fighting it breaks ground and peaks it’s head but the journey isn’t over yet. It need water and sunlight to keep it growing and to keep it going. More time goes by and finally we have a beautiful flower. All the time and all the fighting that flower had to go through was worth it because now it’s a beautiful part of this world. That’s our life. We have to keep going take in our nutrients on the way so we too can be a beautiful flower on this earth and so on. Hold on Beany Babies. Hold. On.
- Let it go. Just throw it away. Don’t be so attached to it. It’s ok. Let it go. Take that however you need to. It could be a thing, person, mindset, whatever. Throw it away.
- I’m happiest when I’m eating. I’ve always known my source of true happiness came from food but it’s really a thing now like when I’m not eating I’m thinking about eating and the thought usually turns into action. Cutting out meat has done something to my appetite, I’m a serious snacker. It’s getting to the point now where I’m starting to carry snacks in my bags for those “oh some popcorn would be amazing in this traffic” moments. I don’t need help, I just need food.
- I’m not that much of an asshole as people make me out to be. I’m blunt as all hell and I hit the core. I say the things you need to hear and that’s that. We’re too wrapped up in our emotions sometimes, we need to be cut sometimes. That’s why I’m here, Edward Scissor Hands, cutting up.
- I don’t have a favorite color. I like different colors at different times of my life. Like right now, yellow is my color. It’s so bright and inviting. But last month it was mint green. Just depends.
- You only have 4 friends: God, Water, Wine and Coffee. No matter what the occasion those four are always there for you, trust me.
- Sage doesn’t stink. My dad used to burn our house down to the ground with sage and I used to hate it with every bone in my body. When I moved into my new place there was a thick paint smell. I tried everything I could think of to eliminate the smell then I remembered the good ol’ sage stick. Now I’m a sage burning, tea drinking, neo-soul playing mother shut yo mouth! Sage is a cleansing agent actually, it helps eliminate odors and cleanses your air overall. Which is great for me!
- Theres no such thing as to many shoes. Shut up and buy the damn shoes.
- I actually like kids. For the longest I could not stand children. I believed they were the spawns of Satan and I wanted nothing to do with them. Well I actually decided to work with kids and in the near future I’ll actually be teaching in front of a classroom for two-year(still un-fucking real). Kids are awesome actually! They still are the works of evil but they have a very interesting perspective on things that allow you to sit back and go, hmm. And they give you a dose of real you were not ready for. I know understand the whole “Kids are the future” mobojumbo. I’m excited to talk to kids now and hear them out because literally they just want someone to listen to them and go you know what, that is awesome that you feel that way and this is why…blah blah blah.
- Black hair is a journey of its own. In November I decided that I was going to grow my hair out into this big massive afro of black boy joy and was going to love it. Let me tell you something, any woman, man or anything with natural hair please applaud them every time you see them because it’s a process just to walk out the house sometimes. From the deep conditioning, twist out, comb outs, oil and water concoctions, the avocado hair masque, IT NEVER ENDS! All in the name of #hairgoals . But there is a no joy like the joy of a fleeky twist out, NONE!
- My cut off game still strong.
- I can’t Tumblr anymore. It was a sad day when I deleted the Tumblr app off my phone. I have had my Tumblr since sophomore year of high school so you could only imagine the amount of trash that polluted my dashboard. I got to a point where it was just like, no. I can’t. It’s not you, its me.
- I have a voice. People actually hear me. For the longest I thought I was just a whisper in the winds but apparently people actually hear me and be feeling me. I’m not cocky about it or anything but it’s just like woah! Y’all hear me ? Cool. I really just be talking a lot of shit but thank y’all for listening to my shit.
- Hats are life. Without hats, what would I be?
- Thick thighs save lives. They really do!
- I’m a fucking adult ! Oh my goodness! Like I actually use my brain now, I make better decisions. I’m really getting old. I’m finally maturing and honestly I’m ok with it. I have really good people around me and we’re constantly exchanging wisdom with one another and literally I’m very thankful for them.
Twenty- one has been a year full of adventures. A lot of things just didn’t make sense but I enjoyed every moment. There were ups , a lot of ups and there were downs. The downs motivated me to go up and the ups motivated me to keep going. Thank you twenty-one for kicking my ass and being awesome AF. AF AF AF ! Thank you for the people I’ve met and the people I no longer see. Thank you for the memories and the moments that got me here writing this post about your awesomeness. Twenty-one, you my nigga for life. Tell twenty-two not to suck ass and just turn up, turn up just because. No age will ever compare to you but it’s only up from here. Thank you Twenty-One , let’s rock Twenty-Two.