Captain Save a Ho

I’ve come to realize that my life has aligned things that always put me in a position to help. I truly believe that we were put here on this earth to help one another. We all go through different things and have different experiences. We gain wisdom from our experiences and this wisdom is meant to be shared with those who need it.

For a long time I was giving , giving and giving and never took a chance to stop and ask “ who’s giving to me ?” That never was a concern of mine. I don’t help someone with the intentions of receiving something back. My true fulfillment comes from seeing my seed grow. Every word of advice-a seed. Every comforting hug- a seed. Every tear shed on my shoulder- a seed. I only plant what I want to harvest. I want everyone around me to flourish. Even if our time together is limited I want to know that you are out in the world living your life to its full potential and it brings tears of joy to know that my simple act of genuine kindness helped you get to where you are. I have no need to remind you, I have no right to get anything in return. All I want is for you to shine.

We have to open ourselves to other people. Our journey isn’t just for us. We have to share our experiences and our kind words and our truth in order to keep the cycle going. We must water one another in love and help wash away whatever pain we are harboring. In order for us to evolve as a people we must continue to humble ourselves and shed a light into one another’s life. There’s enough hate in the world we all can use an act of kindness and a warm hug right now.

This is a blog of love, this is a blog of unity. I love each and every one of you and I want my love to live forever so spread love. Let’s just love one another. We can use it for sure.

-Beanz Out


I’ve Been Running

I’ve been running and running for weeks. Running from truths. Running from lies. Running from me- both new and old. Running from all the things that make me who I am. Running from the possibilities of could’ve should’ve would’ve. Running so much until I can’t run anymore. In that moment, in that breath when I no longer can run I’m faced with reality. I’m faced with the truth, the same truth I was running from. No matter how far I run, how much I sweat, no matter where I go , reality is still there. I can’t run anymore. I have to make peace with all things and people and self. I must release what held me down. I must let go of the things that I cannot control. I must turn my run into a march. A confident march. Confidence that is God sent. I can’t run from what is and what is will always be. I’m not running but I’m still going, living and loving my truth. Everything is where it is supposed to be. I am living my destiny. I am a living testimony. I am proof that no matter what you keep going. I am proud of who I am and all that God has made me to be. No words, no weapon, no body, no law can tell me any different.

I’ve been running but I can’t run no more. This is my life. This is my truth. This is where I’m supposed to be and I’m not sure where I’m going but I’m not running anymore.

-Beanz Out

Don’t Smoke in Bed: My Ode to Letting Go

I have been planting seeds. I have been watering my seeds. I have watched my seeds bring fourth newness. I have watched my newness die. In that moment where I witnessed my “dead” plant I had a decision to make, replant and nurture what was there or pluck it up and move on. I’m in the season of plucking up and moving on.

The things that I was holding on to are no more. I can no longer carry the burden of something that is not meant to be. Yes, these things have taught me a number of lessons and I am forever grateful for the lessons I have learned but I can’t move into this new season holding onto these things.

I have been planting many seeds. And now I am able to witness some newness from some of these seeds I have planted. I’m so proud of these new plants in my life and they are deeply rooted in prayer, faith and struggle. Through this struggle I have learned and met some amazing people and have done some amazing things. But some of these people and things were only for the moment and I can no longer carry them and they just don’t fit in this upcoming season. There will always be a place in my heart for these people and experiences, I shall never forget.

I pray that the feelings of joy and love and prosperity that I felt in my life will be felt by many people. However, I must go. Thank you for all that you have taught me. Thank you for allowing me to grow. Thank you for picking me up when I fell. Thank you for opening an ear when I needed it. But now we must go our separate ways and I’m taking my strong plants with me so that I can continue to plant my seeds and watch my plants grow.

Remember me always as the light that shined on you when the clouds took over your sight. Remember the good and let’s not forget the bad that groomed us to this point today. Remember to take your breaths and embrace the earth and all She offers. And lastly,as the great Nina Simone said, don’t smoke in bed… take care of yourself.

-Beanz Out

Black x 365

It isn’t a secret that black history month is probably the most magical month of the year. It gives us time to learn about our beautiful black and brown people and a time to bask in the glory of being black. However, this year was different in a way. Ive noticed that people aren’t satisfied with the month, arguing that we need to celebrate black history all year and we should cancel black history month and start teaching black people about black people everyday. And my only response to these types of comments are, what hotep rock have you been under? Because last time I checked, when my magical ass wakes up every morning, I am making history.

I 100% agree that black history should be celebrated everyday, all day. You can’t fit all the achievements black people have done in a month, absolutely not. But to think that black people aren’t celebrating their culture everyday is absurd. Black people are redefining what it is to be black everyday-history. Black people are breaking stereotypes everyday- history. Black people are unifying more and more( we still got some work to do) everyday- again history. With every breath we take, we are celebrating our history. February just allows us a month to bask in our greatness and to remind ourselves who we are because unfortunately sometimes, we forget. And thats just honest. We forget that there is a long line of warriors, activists, leaders, politicians, game changers, rebels, etc. But our spirit knows where it comes from and knows to keep going because all of that is in our blood, its who we are. February allows us to celebrate it everywhere. And it allows us to rub it in everyones face that we are fucking popping!

I am unapologetically black. I’m pro black. I’m black and proud. And thats celebrated everyday. When February comes around I turn up the magic a few more notches just to honor those who came before me. Learning about us allows me to learn more about myself. I love us.

January 3, 2018- Tribe Talk

Today has been very emotional. I lost someone who was becoming apart of my life. But life sometimes has other plans and that happens. Through my emotions I’ve been able to look at my life and analyze some things. This time that I was allotted allowed me to realize that life is actually going pretty well. It set a fire under my ass to get back on my shit and continue loving myself and everything around me.

Today I am thankful for my tribe. My tribe is small but mighty. There’s that voice in my head that I like to call “mom”. This voice is a constant reminder of the blood that flows through me. The voice that reminds me of who I am and where I come from.

Then there’s another voice I like to call “dad”. The voice that runs deep in my soul and walks me through the tough times. Allowing some sort of calmness but also a sense of urgency. Kinda like ” take your time but get it done!” That’s dad.

But then there’s the moments of laughter that I like to call “Crystal and Alyssa” . The laugh that takes away all the worry. A consistent reminder that this life you are living isn’t going to be easy but perseverance will get you where you need to be.

Then there’s the voice of reason I call “Chelsey”. That voice tells me to get off my high horse and operate out of love.

Then there’s ” Chauntee” the air that listens. The air that allows me the space to get it all out- the good, the bad and the ugly. The air that is refreshing when it comes around.

There’s so many factors of my tribe and I love every last one of them. It’s my tribe that keeps me smiling and keeps me going and I love my tribe more than they would ever know. I thank them for putting up with me and uplifting me. I thank them for cutting me down to build me back up. I will forever be grateful.