September 28, 2017 12:22 A.M.

I sit here and allow my thoughts to take over and do what they need to do. I explore each and every corner of the room in which they take me mentally. I’m aware of my feelings in each room and I am also aware that these rooms do not represent me. I am aware of the fact that I have control of these rooms because without me , they wouldn’t exist. I used to run from these feelings and thoughts but that did not work because they still came, they still exist, they are still present. I can not run from within but I can listen to what is going on within. Listen and watch and take note.

The rooms that my mind like to take me into put me through a number of emotions and a number of thoughts. I try to figure out- how did I get here? Why am I here? Who else is here with me? But I can’t answer any one of those questions which makes me angry to say the least because the one thing I like is to be in know. I don’t know how I got in this room, I don’t know why I’m in this room and as far as I know I’m in this room alone. I’m the only real thing that exist in these rooms. I have control here in these moments where I can stay and live in whatever emotion that the rooms bring or I can humbly say, no. That is not where I am right now, thats not where I need to be right now, lets move forward.

My mind has been on a rampage lately, filling me with anxiety and fear and a number of emotions. I have to constantly remind myself I am here, I am breathing, I am growing. I have to be hyper aware of the issues around me and within me but I have to also remind myself I am not my circumstances but my circumstances are here to teach me and to help me move forward to whatever the next stage is supposed to be for me. I have literally been stuck on dumb for days because of my rooms in my mind. I’ve been wanting to share so much but I couldn’t. I couldn’t articulate myself properly so even share what was happening in these rooms. Between health, politics, fashion and just everyday life I could not properly execute a thought. But again I have to constantly remind myself- I am here, I am breathing, I am growing. Those rooms don’t control me, those thoughts don’t control me. I am in control and I choose everyday to move forward. I’m moving forward and thank you for being here with me.

-Beanz Out

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Is This Thing On?

I question everything and that gets me in a lot of sticky situations. You would think by now I would’ve learned to shut the fuck up but no, that’s not in my character. I refuse to sit around and just let things happen without an explanation or some sort of conversation taking place. As of late, a lot of people have been discussing gender norms and what is and what isn’t appropriate for a man and woman to do. Now, just a brief reminder for those who aren’t aware- I’m a womanist. A womanist is someone who believes equality for all women no matter their color, religion or birth assigned gender. And that’s the short version. Now that thats out of the way, how the hell can you tell a man or woman what they’re supposed to do? Who made these rules? Where’s this law? And why are men so damn sensitive?

Us men have this idea in our heads that it’s a mans world and that we’re supposed to be superior to women which is why we shiver at the thought of a woman in power. Women in charge catch hell by both men and women because she is deemed as the weaker specimen, the nurturer, blah blah blah. Granted, men are physically built to be the provider and what not and a women are naturally nurturing and  what not but, let’s be clear, anything a man can do a woman can do and more than likely do better. And that’s that ladies and gentlemen. This has been proven on numerous occasions yet women still have to deal with the ego of a man.

One thing I absolutely do not cater to the ego of a man. I have had conversations with some of my male friends and literally I just stare at them and go “What the entire fuck is wrong with you?” Some of their expectations of women are absurd and in no way make any sense. I have come across men who literally ain’t shit who expect women to go to the moon and back for them while they sit around and do nothing. How exactly does that work? What happened to men being providers and taking care of their women? Or what’s wrong with the woman being the bread winner and putting you on some new shit and upgrading your life and helping you as you help her boss up? Is that not a thing? Did I make that up? Are men supposed to sit on their made up throne as women cater to their every need? That’s dumb. Just because the woman is bossing up doesn’t mean you are any less of a man. If anything you should be bossing up to. Equally yoked is what it’s called. If I got it, you got it. We shine together. Learn from women because I guarantee you she’s learning from you whether it’s good or bad, sis is learning.

Okay I feel like I’m missing the point.( sike I know y’all fucking feel me) But gender norms, let’s redefine them ladies and gentleman. Society and religion and all these other factors that I rather not name at this time have told people that their feelings and wants aren’t deemed appropriate due to their gender. It affects so many factors in our lives that cause us to be hyper aware of our every move and unction instead of just flowing and living in your truth. No one can tell you what is appropriate for you simply because they are not living your life. Do what works for you and that’s that. Be a good person and live your damn life. My girl, if you want to speak up and boss up and wear a damn pant suit and not shave your legs or whatever else you want to do, do it. Fuck societies definition of a lady. You define who you are as a woman. My guy, don’t let your ego get you fucked up. Don’t miss opportunities to be experience life because you’re to concerned about what people will say about you and your masculinity. A man is going to be a man regardless. You define what a man is to you. Operate in truth, stand your ground, love everyone and just be a good person. If you want to wear pink or floral prints and get a manicure, do it! I promise you, you’ll be fine. Being a well groomed, well dressed man does not make you gay or metrosexual( is that still a thing? Did I just date myself? Am I getting old? Dammit…) it just makes you a well kept MAN. And I promise you, the ladies love that shit! At the end of the day Beany Babies, live your life how you want and fuck what anyone has to say. If anyone has a issue tell them come see me so we can talk. I got your back 😉

-Beanz Out

Afropunk Brooklyn 2017

I like to make traditions for myself like running the Peachtree Road Race every year ( I missed it this year), or like buying myself a really expensive pair of shoes for Christmas as a treat yourself gift even though you don’t celebrate the holiday. Another tradition I have is going to Afropunk. I went for the first time last year and it was amazing! So many beautiful people and great music and just an overall good time. Originally, I wanted to go to Afropunk Paris but life happens and things don’t go as planned so I was determined to make to Afropunk Brooklyn.

This year my best pal Alyssa came with me and we drove from Atlanta all the way to Brooklyn, New York. It was a interested ride, learned a lot about one another- it was cool. Once we finally reached New York, I couldn’t hold in my excitement. As soon as you get out of the Holland Tunnel, theres this rush of excitement that takes over your body and all of a sudden your mood changes, your energy shifts, its that New York rush that I fucking live for. If you don’t know, I used to live in New York and if I could afford it I would move back in a heart beat, I love everything about the city. I could do what I want when I want and not have to worry about anyone. New York is where I feel at home.

Theres so much I can discuss about our trip as a whole like, the amazing food we ate! Oh my goodness! We spent so much damn money on food it was ridiculous! But lets focus on the topic at hand, Afropunk. Afropunk is a safe place for people of color to be who they really are. There are no boundaries to creation and thats the beautiful thing that keeps me coming. Theres every shade of brown there and every hair texture that you could possibly think of and everyone feels safe. Not only are there incredible fashions and styles but the music was literally amazing. We had the voice of the modern 20 something year old Sza, then MOTHA of goals Solange, the full bodied goddess Nao, the oh so funky and divine Macy Gray( A-FUCKING-MAZING BY THE FUCKING WAY), the hope for the future Willow Smith, Mr. Smooth & cool Anderson Pak and all kinds of other amazing performers that represented us as a whole. They empowered us with their music and allowed us to forget about all that is going on in the world for two days.

Afropunk is a tradition that I am happy that I added to my life. It allows me to escape for a few days to enjoy myself and enjoy everyone around me. Even when we were pushing and shoving one another to get to the front to feel the full impact of Sza’s performance, there was still love in the air. Since we are on the topic of shoving, moving  forward, I am only doing VIP for festivals. I have reached a point in my life where I can’t deal with the pushing and shoving and the lines and all the foolishness. I don’t think the people who set up Afropunk were prepared for the massive growth of the festival. There were so many people there and yes it was a beautiful sight to see but being in the mix of all the excitement was a lot to deal with at my old age.

I’m glad that Afropunk caters to all people especially us of color. It doesn’t matter what you are into, you are allowed to be that at Afropunk. This year they had a stage dedicated to our black rockers, and thats love. As a fellow man of color who enjoys a good head banging rock song every now and then, it was pleasant to see others come together to bang heads as one. And thats what makes being black so fucking amazing. There is no typical black person because literally we come in so many different forms. We create our own image, we just do our thing. Its a great time to be black no matter what society is trying to do to us. We are lit. Everything about us is lit. And if you need a reminder of that, and this blog doesn’t do enough reminding for you just attend an Afropunk event, you’ll see how lit we really are.

You Could Pay For School but You Can’t Buy Class

I never thought the day would come where I look at old pictures of myself and go “WHAT THE FUCK WAS I WEARING?!” Literally I was looking at pictures from my freshman year of college and I was just like, who the fuck did I think I was? And that’s what I think I was trying to figure out. College is a weird time for everyone. You’re trying to figure yourself out, figure out where you fit and just trying to figure out what life is about. When I got to Clark Atlanta University, I saw all these beautiful pro black professionals who looked all nice and here I was in my thirfted clothes and Vans- thinking I was doing something. I mean granted I was in trend but that didn’t even matter on campus. So I tried the whole afro-centric look with the kufi’s and what not. That rocked for a while. Then I got into the suit game and oh my goodness, I’ve come a long way. But that was a very interesting time. Figuring out my style and what worked for me. I had so many people in my ear telling me what to do and what not to do but I never stopped and asked myself, what works for me?

I personally think I’ve always had a great sense of style. But I was trying to fit this mold that wasn’t meant for me to fit. I had to create my own look that worked for me. I’m still figuring that out up to this day. And it’s fun. I try things, I like them sometimes and other times I don’t. I think we need to stop telling people what they should look like and let them figure out what works for them. Dress for where you want to go in life and dress so that you’re comfortable. I used to hate suits, so I thought. It wasn’t the suits I hated, it was the suits that didn’t fit me and the stupid tie. I hate ties! But that’s what I thought was the thing to do. Not my thing so I cut that short.

There’s rules in fashion that are complete bullshit. At the end of the day, style can’t be taught but it can be created by each individual person. I like the clean look but I like to be edgy and Afro-centricesque. I’m not going to be wearing a dashiki and a leather jacket anytime soon because that’s just not me. My look is for me and it works for me. It changes every season. Who am I kidding, every month. But that’s fine. It’s fun. Everyone no matter their gender or age should be able to explore style and fashion in order to find what works for them. Do you, be you and wear what the fuck you want.

 

P.S Have you noticed my new logo? Check out my good friend ACE .

Dating in College

I talk a lot about being alone and embracing being alone that people are starting to think I’m this young, heart broken black boy. Before I move forward with this post I just want to clear some things up, my heart has been broken but I have taken time to let it heal. Not only that, I have found the good in good bye and the peace that comes from being alone. I love seeing people happy in their relationships and my friends know they can come to me and talk about whatever they have going on in regards to their relationship for anything in life. I have not found anyone worth my energy. Time you can’t get back so sometimes you just have to take that L. But your energy  you can protect and release on what you please and you determine how much energy you’ll give something. Right now I’m protecting my energy and when life ushers in that special someone then we’ll take it from there. So no I’m not anti-relationships, no I’m not heart broken and though I have my sad spells like anyone who sufferes from depression but I’m not the founder of the Sad Boys Club.

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I’ve been asking my friends for their opinions on dating in college and just dating while young. I’ve heard so many different perspectives, it was very insightful to say the least. Apparently this subject has been put into the universe because my best friend and her boyfriend actually made a vlog about dating in college which was not only entertaining but informative. I’m pretty close with both of them but this video got deeper into their relationship. It was refreshing though because they were honest. It made me think about my dating experiences and just my out look on dating in college as a whole.

There was one question that stood out to me. Would you recommend dating in college to someone…there was a brief moment of silence but the response said a mouthful. Lets fast forward here, I linked the video (twice) so you all can watch it. I tell people all the time, don’t rush being in a relationship. The more you rush it, the quicker it will end. Enjoy yourself for a while then let life find your mate. But after watching the video, my response has changed. Ira, who was a guest on the vlog, responded and said “it depends where they are in life.” And that my friends is very important. As a friend, it is my duty to have a understanding of who you are and where you are in life. If you come to asking for advice I have to be honest with you. Maybe where you are right now, you need some time to heal and love yourself before you involve someone. Maybe you’re in a great place and someone deserves the love you have to share. It’s a case by case scenario.

Dating in college for me has been… hold on I have GIFs that explain all of this…

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starts out all…
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and then I realized…
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then I’m like…
C77C2156-AF13-4724-80A5-58751D51233E
then I try again…
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eventually I’m here…still here
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but then i realized who the fuck I really was…

I know, I’m a joke. But literally its been a rollercoaster. Met some awesome people who I still keep in contact with. There was a lot of trash in the midst of me dating, shit theres still trash that I’m trying to get rid of but they won’t go! But each person taught me valuable lessons and I mean it is what it is. It’s not easy but fuck its so much fun! You literally just have try it before you shoot it down. At the moment I’m focusing on me and my career so a relationship doesn’t fit right now. But thats me, that may not be your situation but HEY if it is, welcome to the club, we have A/C and snacks! If you are young and dating or young and in college and dating or just dating in general, hold on. Understand each other, love each other, uplift each other. Give one another their space and understand in time, they’ll be back right up under you. There will be arguments, there will be moments where its like literally you want to kill each other but always remember the foundation that you guys are standing on which is love. Love yourself, love one another, spread love, be about love.

-Beanz Out