Depression, fashion and me.

I will never forget when I realized I suffered from depression. I had just got off work and I had a pretty decent day and I was waiting on the train. The sun was still out and I believe I had made a purchase, can’t remember exactly what I bought but, I do remember this sad feeling that just came out of no where. Nothing triggered it, no one was around me I just felt sad out of no where. In that moment I was like do I suffer from depression ? Like I had to ask myself that question. And me being me I was like “No way not me” but then I faced reality and was like oh man, I think I’m depressed. And it was something I couldn’t shake. After that moment I analyzed my life to find out oh man, you’ve suffered from depression for a long time! In the midst of my train ride and after some quiet time I eventually was able to go back feeling like my regular, content, resting bitch face self. 
For me, I always looked for ways to escape my reality and I never actually faced it. Fashion has helped me face reality as well as becoming spiritually inclined. The depression that I didn’t acknowledge as depression helped me develop my style and evolve in my style. The process of coping allows me to pay attention to small details and allows me look at patterns and textures differently. Though I don’t think I could work in fashion industry anymore, I will always appreciate fashion and what it has done for me. 

I’m not sure if I’ve stated this but this blog is pro black. Pro black , not anti white. With that being said, black people and people of color need to pay attention to their mental health and overall health more. This whole kanye situation really allowed me to think, a lot …more than I usually do. And I am so glad that he realized he had a problem and took the time to take care of it. Kanye has inspired me since the pink polos with the popped collar and the Louis Vuitton backpack. And to see someone you look up to go through something you also go through puts you in a place. A place that you cannot describe. But that same place allows me to be a voice that needs to be heard. Your mental, spiritual, emotional health is very important and needs to be taken care of. I think a lot of times as creatives we get so wrapped up in our heads we forget to check back in to the reality of things and when we do it causes us to freak out a little bit. Like damn I have all these things to do and people watching me, how am I to handle all of this, we ask ourselves. Then we get trapped in this emotion we can’t describe. But we have to learn to focus our energy somewhere that keeps us in the now no matter what that now is. We have to be able to learn to grow from the now whether it’s good or bad. 
I could go on forever about this but, take care of yourself and others.

-Beanz Out


2 thoughts on “Depression, fashion and me.

  1. “For me, I always looked for ways to escape my reality and I never actually faced it. ” Preach. Usually you realize something is wrong in the moments of quiet, when life is still, and you have no distractions, that is why me time is sooo important to me.

    F’real I do find that black people don’t really take care of their emotional health because that may be ‘sissy behaviour’ and ‘ya baby up yourself.’ Simple things like we go to work when he have the flu cause money ‘haffi mek.’ It’s not in our culture to slow down.

    Love the honesty of this article man.

    — Blessings


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