Decemeber 5 2015

I’m hiding in my room under my covers preparing for another Monday. I’ve been thinking, like always , and I have realized that I am to dependent on other people. I rely on other people to have my back. For the most part I am independent as far as paying my bills, buying my groceries shit adults do but when it all comes down to it I sell depend on others I someway shape or form. I depend on others to tell me if what I’m doing is okay. I rely on the applause from people when I do something good. Shit like that gets me going. In a sense it’s like I’m an attention whore and i live and breathe for the attention of others. I have finally accepted that ugly side of me and then I’m like why the fuck do I do that ? It does nothing but hold me back from doing what I want to do and what I feel like is okay. I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself lately just figuring some things out and adjusting to some changes and I realized that I could be doing so much more if I wasn’t waiting on someone or something. My life is very important to me and it is something I take very serious. I only have one and as cliche as that may sound it’s true. I have one life and I’m going to fulfill my destiny (whatever that is; haven’t figured it out yet) but I’m doing to do what I say I’m going to do. Like this blog. I’ve prolonged the process long enough. I was waiting on “the right time”. The time is now while I have something to say. I have to take my life here on this green and gassy earth more serious and get out there and make a change, touch a heart, explore. I’m such a wanderer, I just drift with the wind and I need to get back to that. I’m happy when I’m just wandering and frolicking around the city. Like I’ve stated I’ve been to myself a lot lately and at one point I felt myself drifting into some sort of depression. I was like my life is a boring mess that is at a stand still all I do is school,work,sleep and drink. But fuckalldat I refuse to be depressed so I’m going to get my black ass out there and see things and do stuff. Anyways…

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