January 3, 2018- Tribe Talk

Today has been very emotional. I lost someone who was becoming apart of my life. But life sometimes has other plans and that happens. Through my emotions I’ve been able to look at my life and analyze some things. This time that I was allotted allowed me to realize that life is actually going pretty well. It set a fire under my ass to get back on my shit and continue loving myself and everything around me.

Today I am thankful for my tribe. My tribe is small but mighty. There’s that voice in my head that I like to call “mom”. This voice is a constant reminder of the blood that flows through me. The voice that reminds me of who I am and where I come from.

Then there’s another voice I like to call “dad”. The voice that runs deep in my soul and walks me through the tough times. Allowing some sort of calmness but also a sense of urgency. Kinda like ” take your time but get it done!” That’s dad.

But then there’s the moments of laughter that I like to call “Crystal and Alyssa” . The laugh that takes away all the worry. A consistent reminder that this life you are living isn’t going to be easy but perseverance will get you where you need to be.

Then there’s the voice of reason I call “Chelsey”. That voice tells me to get off my high horse and operate out of love.

Then there’s ” Chauntee” the air that listens. The air that allows me the space to get it all out- the good, the bad and the ugly. The air that is refreshing when it comes around.

There’s so many factors of my tribe and I love every last one of them. It’s my tribe that keeps me smiling and keeps me going and I love my tribe more than they would ever know. I thank them for putting up with me and uplifting me. I thank them for cutting me down to build me back up. I will forever be grateful.


It’s Not Just Hair

There has been recent uproar about our favorite culture vulture, Kim Kardashian and her “Bo Derek braids” which is from a hairstyle worn by Bo Derek in the movie “10”. I wasn’t going to give this any more attention than it had already received because thats all this Kim girl wants, attention. But, Bo Derek took to Twitter  to weigh in on the topic and she said my favorite line when people are trying to dismiss culture appropriation in terms of hairstyles, “It’s just a hairstyle…” she said. But is it? It is just a hair style my girl or is it another thing that people of color can’t have for themselves?

As a natural, 4C crown rocking black man with locs , hair has become a part of my life. Its my thing. And what aggravates me is when people like to say “It’s just hair!” Let me give you some background on my hair and its current state. I used to be in that guy in the barbershop every week. over $100 a month on haircuts just to maintain my appearance. I had waves and I was just as cute as it got. Every year, I dedicate November to those who suffer from prostate cancer and participate in No Shave November. Last year I decided to hold on to my no shave commitment and what made me stick to it is because I stopped giving a fuck. I couldn’t stand when someone told me my hair wasn’t appropriate simply because it was in its natural state. My hair which is a well oiled machine, is my identity. And if you’re telling me that in its natural state its inappropriate then fuck off. So, a year later my hair decided to lock up and continues to grow and flourish.

When we’re talking about black hair in its natural state we’re talking about a revolution. Black hair in its natural state has always been described as wild and out of control and dirty. Non people of color (some, not all)would see natural hair and automatically think “they need to tame their hair”. White culture teaches us that if your hair isn’t neat and straight it’s wild and out of control. With this notion about hair, black people are then told their hair is inappropriate in certain settings and often makes people uncomfortable. But I thought it was just hair ? It doesn’t stink and FYI natural hair takes a lot more maintenance than you would think. If it’s just hair why does it make you uncomfortable or make you question it?

Fun fact. At some point in time in history, black women had to wear head wraps to cover their hair when dealing with anything white. Which means while cooking, cleaning or breast feeding a white baby that you didn’t brith 🙃. Another fun fact, black men were told to cut their hairs and brush it until they got “waves” to make them more presentable when they were being auctioned off to be enslaved people. Black hair has always been a symbol of blackness. The grade of your hair was a tell-tell sign that you had black in you.  Black hair in its natural state has been looked down upon for years causing women and men to burn themselves with perms and relaxers and what not to make there hair more “presentable”. But let’s also be clear, black hair is full of magic. Just because it isn’t nappy or course or whatever the fuck didn’t mean that person is trying to be white. Just like the color spectrum of black people, our hair comes in different forms too.

In regards to Kim Kardashian and Bo Derek, it isn’t just hair. Its a style that had purpose. Was used to help slaves escape making maps in their heads. It was used to protect our scalps from the elements. It’s a style for us and looks a million times better on us. Sorry not sorry.

So it isn’t just hair. It’s a reminder that I am black as fuck and I love being black as fuck and love everything, including my 4C hair, about it. It’s not just hair, it’s mine!

-Beanz Out



I’ve been having a hard time processing information lately. For some reason I feel as if I’m not getting the whole truth in things. Im discerning on another level that makes me question “is there more to this ?” What eventually happens is I end up on this quest for an answer that sits well with me. I dig for the answers that resinates with my spirit but even then I’m still left with the question “is there more to this?” Someone explained to me that this is all apart of the “awakening process” but I’m like, when did I sign up for this ?

Literally, internally I’m at peace with a lot of things and I find myself flowing a lot more fluidly these days and even when I’m on these mini quest of truth I’m still at peace. I’m not racing and pacing all over the place, I’m not freaking out, not losing out on sleep or anything. But it’s not always roses and cotton candy, sometimes I literally feel like I’m losing my shit. When something else is revealed to me I can’t just accept it, I have to process it. During that process I’m like “well why is it that at one point this was said? And am I the only one who sees this happening ?” It’s weird, it’s fun, it’s annoying.

All in all , this is my life. This is my journey. Everything has a purpose and I have given up on trying to figure out what the purpose is, everything will reveal itself in due time. The deeper I dig within myself, the more gold I will find. The more truth I operate in, the more love I will give out. I’m on this journey , no I didn’t sign up for it but someone or something knew this is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Beanz Out

January 27,2017

There comes a time in a relationship, whether it’s intimate or not, that one is faced with a challenge of self. You’re at the fork in the road- one side being true to yourself and the other side being doing what is going to make the other person(s) comfortable. What’s important about this fork is that it gives you the opportunity to observe the situation for its entirety. What I’ve learned is the art of doing what makes you happy. In many situations we catch ourselves doing things that aren’t necessarily apart of our make and we do these things to make sure we aren’t disappointing the other party/parties involved. But let’s ask ourselves…


Is there balance in this where we both are benefiting ? Or am I constantly finding myself being content with the shorter end of the stick?

This is spiritually and emotionally damaging. If we continuously are cutting ourselves short for the benefit of another person, how are we growing ? Where is the growth taking place? In a relationship we both should be growing. We both should be glowing. And if we’re not then it’s time to reevaluate this situation. But let’s re-evaluate together. We both have to find a peace, some common ground. Let’s talk. What’s the real issue ? It takes all parties involved to keep the balance and to keep everything afloat.

No more settling for the okie dok! No more half ass, half full relationships. No more cutting ourselves short. Move forward accordingly and love yourself first.

-Beanz Out

Two Thousand and Eighteen

Happy New Year. I know I’m late but 2018 is still new. Let’s catch up. I’ve been so busy lately just planting my seeds and watering my plants. 2017 was a tough year for me but there wasn’t a day that went by that didn’t teach me a lesson that I didn’t know I needed to learn. I grew a lot, I discovered a lot, my wisdom increased and most importantly – my price went up. I learned the value of self and learned to love myself. Once you learn that, your price goes up. People have to put two more tablespoons of respect on your name, mediocre and half ass shit just isn’t accepted anymore.

2017 also taught me the power of “No”. I had to tell myself no, that’s not you. No, you won’t accept less than you deserve. No, you won’t handicap yourself and not live to your full potential. I also turned a lot of my No’s into yes’s. Yes you are strong. Yes you are amazing. Yes you are about your bag. Yes, yes, yes. Once I started accepted me for me life did as well. Life was telling me yes. Yes you are graduating. Yes you have secured a job after you graduate. Yes someone loves you. Yes, yes and yes!

I have high expectations for 2018 and I say that confidently. I worked so damn hard in 2017 I know 2018 will be proof of my work. I know 2018 will have its ups and downs but I know I will take these ups and downs and just add them to my journey. I couldn’t come up with a resolution for myself. I think resolutions put to much pressure on people to try to reach things that just aren’t attainable. Well, let me not say they aren’t attainable but it’s like, be honest with yourself and then go from there. So I was honest with myself and I told myself this year I will continue to heal. I’ve realized that there are things in my life that I thought I had healed from that I haven’t and there are also scars that I didn’t even know existed that need to heal. So I will continue to improve myself and with every improvement I will heal.

2017 like prior years tried to take a real one out BUT IM STILL HERE BITCH! Everyone reading this let’s take a moment to recognize all that 2017 has brought into our lives and taken away but let’s not dwell on these things. Let not these things hold us back from living our best lives right now, whatever that is. Today you are living your best life no matter the circumstances. 2018 we will only operate out of positivity and welcome positivity. We will overcome obstacles and continue to strive for better. We will heal. We will accomplish things that we didn’t know we were able to accomplish. We will look at ourselves and learn to love what we see and do the things that make us happy and more in love with ourselves and the life that we are living. I pray for prosperity for everyone and we will make it. Let’s get back to the bag.

Beanz Out.